WEEKLY WHINE

The Celebrity Halfpipe Invitational

The Winter Olympics have ended. When they begin again in Russia, they will not be anywhere near as interesting.

But hopefully you have overcome your depression at seeing these Games end, and you will instead be excited to read what others around the world are saying about the uniforms worn by the competitors. So enter the blockhouse of reinforced concrete as we fire up the welding devices and open the GoobNet Mailbox.

You may note that there is no discussion of figure skating. That is because the clothing that figure skaters wear is unique to each competitor [and often to each event as well], and so it is not a uniform.

I was impressed by the bibs that they give everyone. Did you notice that they all have a picture of an athlete in that sport on the front? I thought that was pretty good.

– Rebecca Stalworth
Portland, ME, USA

Yes, we did notice that. We were hoping that the figure skaters would wear bibs like those over their sequins.

Attention everyone. If you were ever wondering why curlers traditionally wear black pants, simply look at the Norwegian men’s team. There is your answer right there.

– Charlie McAdam
Hamilton, ON, Canada

You don’t like the Norwegian pants? Argyle? Or whatever it’s supposed to be? We would like to see more pants like that in Olympic sports, especially the bobsled.

The players’ names on every other hockey team’s sweaters are all in the same font. We’re the only team that has a traditional font.

– Chris Leitchcomb
North Vancouver, BC, Canada

Yeah. Good for you, Canada.

The best cross country uniforms are those of Italy. The blue and white halves are superior to everyone else’s uniforms.

– Lucenza Di Mornay
Napoli, Italy

Well, if you like that, you’ll love the Finnish ski jumping uniforms. Not only are they different colours on the front and back, they are Aston Villa colours.

I was watching the speed skating, and all of a sudden I said to myself, “Hey, those Dutch uniforms have ‘Nederland’ in the same font they use on The Cube!” I thought that was awesome.

– Jon Baker
West Berkdon, England, UK

Sven, you must skate from the inner lane to the outer and back twenty five times. To make it more fun, your coach may or may not be giving you accurate advice. Twenty five laps for gold, Sven! Want to play?

So is this the first time that Olympians have competed wearing denim? The US snowboarders looked good in their jeans, especially Kelly Clarkson.

– Mike Grenallan
Miliam, NH, USA

I think you mean Kelly Clark. Although if we could see Kelly Clarkson do a frontside 900, that would be awesome.

The skeleton helmets are always awesome. This year’s best are Patrick Shannon’s Angel of Death and Jon Montgomery’s native Canadian art.

– Amy Sekela
Whistler, BC, Canada

Nope, you’re wrong. Jeff Pain’s Raging Beaver is clearly the best skeleton helmet. And what’s more, he can say to the ladies: “I’ve shown you my Raging Beaver. Now you show me yours.”

When I go to work on Monday, I’m going to wear one of those funky green and yellow uniforms that those Australian bobsledders wore.

– Janie Denver
Perth, WA, Australia

You do that.