WEEKLY WHINE

The elements of your life

Over the last few weeks, we have presented much exciting information about the chemical elements that make up the periodic table. We hope you have been entertained, challenged, and educated. If you have not, we would like to apologise and offer you a jar of mercury as a gift. It goes great with hats and fish.

But we have received a number of positive comments. It turns out that many people have their own favourite elements, and they have eagerly shared that information with us. If you have a favourite element, why not tell us about it? Just use the Twitter hashtag #myfavouritelementis. It’s sure to be much more exciting than #alaskarussiatrain or whatever the hell is currently trending on there.

Did you know that other than iron and aluminum, magnesium is the most commonly used metal in building structures? It can even be alloyed with aluminum in soda cans. That’s what makes magnesium so great.

– Jon F Wallace
Frankfort, KY, USA

A quick survey of the GoobNet SPEED staff shows that only one of them, Jhonny, is drinking soda from a can right now. No word as yet on whether it is pure or alloyed aluminum.

As a dentist, I must select fluorine as my favourite element. Fluorides are essential to preventing tooth decay. If only more people knew the wonders that fluorides have to offer.

– Dr Catrina van Haassbrink, DChDent
Alkmaar, Netherlands

If you would like to know the wonders that fluorides have to offer, simply search for “fluoride” on Pubmed. It will blow your mind, and improve your teeth.

I prefer hydrogen. If it wasn’t for hydrogen, we wouldn’t have any other elements. In fact, hydrogen is so wonderful that our town has changed its name from South Mansfield to Hydrogenville.

– Bob Harmarger
Hydrogenville, LA, USA

The US Census Bureau classifies South Mansfield, LA in two ways. First, it is identified as a “village”. Second, it is identified as “not Hydrogenville”. Stand by for your restraining order from all other South Mansfield residents.

Water is the best element. My ancestor would never have chosen one element over the others, but it’s true. Water beats air, fire, and earth easily.

– Empedocles LXXXIV
Toronto, ON, Canada

Water is a compound. Air is a mixture of gases. Earth is a planet. And fire is condensed awesomeness.

In fact, here’s something you may not know. If you compress carbon to immense pressures, you get diamond. If you compress fire to immense pressures, you get Chuck Norris.

I think molybdenum is the best element. It melts at almost five thousand degrees. Only five elements have higher melting points than that. And without it, we could not make stainless steel, cast iron, and numerous high strength steel alloys.

– Frederica Kembole
Margrite, PA, USA

Put these elements in order by their melting points, starting with the highest.

No, wait. That was last week. Sorry.

How did iodine get its name?

– Belinda Kurtz
Shamshie, WA, USA

From the Greek for violet.

A guy with a stutter discovered it while he was eating dinner! Ha ha ha! For more great jokes like this, follow me on Twitter @###############!

– Belinda Kurtz
Shamshie, WA, USA

We have decided instead to precede you on Twitter.

I think it is a great idea for you lot to do a series about the chemical elements. Why are so many people ignorant about these simple building blocks of everyday life?

– Charles Mace
Upper Havelford, England, UK

Let’s go over to Edvard for the answer:

Because they’re dumb. Thanks everyone. Good to be here. – Edvard