WEEKLY WHINE

Ass Pairs Hangman

We are of course continuing to celebrate GoobNet’s sixteenth anniversary with a number of exciting events throughout the Universe. The celebrations in the Small Magellanic Cloud are currently in full swing, although owing to the speed of light, the Small Magellanic Cloud has not yet received our transmissions and thus will have no idea what GoobNet is until about two hundred thousand years from now.

Of course, by the time the Small Magellanic Cloud receives our first transmissions, we back here on Earth will have already made the Internet obsolete with our introduction of the Brainternet, a vast network that connects all thoughts in the Universe. So everyone in the Small Magellanic Cloud will know that everyone on Earth is thinking about GoobNet but will just be discovering what GoobNet actually is.

In the meantime, though, we have invited you to tell us your favourite moments from GoobNet’s history. Your favourite moments are currently crammed into the GoobNet Mailbox. Why? Nobody knows. In fact, nobody knows what the GoobNet Mailbox is made of, how it was constructed, or why it is safe to store your messages within its volume. So we are now going to open it and discover its secrets.

Ah, well, there’s one secret there. The substance it is made of turned out to be an alloy of nickel and cobalt. So there we are.

I thoroughly enjoyed that one time you came up with anagrams for the names of all MLS teams. We here in Seattle take great pride in unsettling the ears of our opposition.

– Sally Fogerty
Seattle, WA, USA

Well, congratulations on unsettling Panama’s ears last week. That was a delightful event in all respects, save for the pitch surface.

By the way, the club that has joined MLS since then, Montréal Impact, has a number of wonderful anagrams. We are unable to decide from amongst “Tom, Particle Man”, “Limpet on Tarmac”, “Mint-Top Caramel”, and “A Rat Compliment”.

I liked the MLS team nicknames. Do you have any plans to construct anagrams for teams in other leagues? I would be most interested to see anagrams of Major League Lacrosse teams.

– Joe Calobertz
Rochester, NY, USA

You mean anagrams for “A Loser Jeers Glaucoma” teams?

I’d like to see more anagrams on GoobNet. The thing about MLS team anagrams was funny, but why not go further? Why not anagrams of names of European football clubs? There must be a good anagram of Real Madrid.

– Hector Mafuente
Madrid, Spain

There is not. The best we could do was “Idler Drama”.

I enjoyed the anagrams of MLS club names, and I would like to see if there are any good anagrams of the names of the Supreme Court justices. Thank you.

– Lucille Hammer
Bethesda, MD, USA

There are no anagrams that can be made of Chief Justice “Her Snort Job”, “Be Spryer, Then“, “Salute a Limo“, “Soot or Soy Mania“, “Italia Cannons”, “Age an Ankle“, “Brighter Gnu? Absurd“, “A Cement Scholar“, or “The Donkey Nanny“.

Anagrams are great. I loved the MLS team anagrams, but then you never followed up on that. Why not anagrams of other sports team names?

– Don Mattingly
Los Angeles, CA, USA

Because we don’t really care. However, we did observe that Yasiel Puig anagrams to “Glue Pi, I Say”.

I enjoy the rare occasions when GoobNet discusses anagrams. I would like to see anagrams of players who have recently received a yellow card.

– João Bemburgo
São Paulo, SP, Brazil

You mean players who have recently received “A Crowd Yell”?

The anagrams on GoobNet are good. I would like to know if any members of the British royal family have funny anagrams that can be made from their names. Thank you for your time.

– John Camelbert-Souba
Oxford, England, UK

Did you hear about “Win Limp Eclair” and his wife, “Detonated Milk”?

I like it when you talk about anagrams on GoobNet. However, it is hard to find anagrams in my native language of Spanish. Do you know of any anagrams of “Fuera Chepo”?

– Juan Alberto Ramís
Monterrey, NL, Mexico

No. Go away. We don’t do Spanish anagrams. We only do “Ass Pairs Hangman”.