WEEKLY WHINE

Presented by laziness

As you know, less than one week currently remains in the 2014 Winter Olympics. There have been many exciting events to date, like that one guy who fell down and then got back up, or that one girl who won gold for that one country even though she was way behind.

But what other exciting events are still to come? More importantly, which remaining events will be exciting and which will be dull? This is a complex question to ask, because what is exciting viewing in one country could be uninteresting to other nations. For instance, Norwegians prefer the cross country skiing, Russians prefer the team homosexuality persecution, and Americans prefer the indivdual speculation on the state of Bob Costas’s eye.

We here at GoobNet are pleased to help you by presenting a viewing guide for the remainder of the competition. Even better, it is not country specific: one size fits all nations.

TUE 18 FEB 2014

05:00-17:00 UTC: Some people push stones toward the Target logo, but only if they need to break a tie.

07:00-14:00 UTC: Some women ski back and forth down a giant hill.

08:00-19:30 UTC: Some people try to put a rubber thing into a goal.

09:30-11:30 UTC: Some people skate around in circles while trying to avoid crashing into one another.

09:30-14:30 UTC: Some men jump off a hill and then ski around in circles.

13:00-16:00 UTC: Some men skate around in a lot of circles.

13:45-19:00 UTC: Some men ski back and forth down something that is not a pipe, because it’s half of one.

15:15-17:30 UTC: Some women get into a sled and slide down an icy track.

WED 19 FEB 2014

05:15-11:00 UTC: Some people attach boards to their feet and ride back and forth down a giant hill next to each other.

07:00-13:00 UTC: Some men ski back and forth down a giant hill.

08:00-19:30 UTC: Some men try to put a rubber thing into a goal.

09:15-13:00 UTC: Some people ski around in circles.

10:00-17:00 UTC: Some people push stones toward the Target logo.

13:30-16:30 UTC: Some women skate around in a lot of circles.

14:30-16:30 UTC: Some people ski around in circles, shoot some things, and then ski around in circles some more.

15:00-18:00 UTC: Some women put on ice skates and jump around.

16:15-18:30 UTC: The same women as yesterday get into a sled and slide down an icy track again.

THU 20 FEB 2014

07:45-11:00 UTC: Some men ski down a course in groups.

08:00-13:00 UTC: Some men jump off a hill and then ski around in circles.

08:30-15:30 UTC: Some women push stones toward the Target logo.

12:00-19:30 UTC: Some women try to put a rubber thing into a goal.

14:30-19:30 UTC: Some women ski back and forth down something that is not a pipe, because it’s half of one.

15:00-18:00 UTC: Some of the same women as yesterday put on ice skates and jump around again.

FRI 21 FEB 2014

07:45-11:00 UTC: Some women ski down a course in groups.

08:30-15:30 UTC: Some men push stones toward the Target logo.

12:00-19:30 UTC: Some men try to put a rubber thing into a goal.

12:45-18:30 UTC: Some women ski back and forth down a hill.

13:30-16:00 UTC: Some people skate around in circles.

14:30-16:00 UTC: Some women ski around in circles, shoot some things, and then ski around in circles some more.

16:30-19:00 UTC: Some people skate around in circles while trying to avoid crashing into one another.

SAT 22 FEB 2014

05:15-11:00 UTC: Some people attach boards to their feet and ride back and forth down a hill next to each other.

09:30-11:00 UTC: Some women ski around in circles.

12:45-18:30 UTC: Some men ski back and forth down a hill.

13:30-14:30 UTC: Some people skate around in circles.

14:30-16:30 UTC: Some men ski around in circles, shoot some things, and then ski around in circles some more.

15:00-17:30 UTC: Some men try to put a rubber thing into a goal.

16:30-19:30 UTC: Some men get into a sled and slide down an icy track.

SUN 23 FEB 2014

07:00-09:00 UTC: Some men ski around in circles.

09:30-12:30 UTC: The same men as yesterday get into a sled and slide down an icy track again.

12:00-14:30 UTC: Some men try to put a rubber thing into a goal.

16:00-18:00 UTC: Somebody puts the fire out.