WEEKLY WHINE

One last helping of Stewbeef

On Thursday, Jon Stewart hosted The Daily Show for the last time. The programme was filled with returns of past correspondents, ill wishes from past opponents, film references from the staff, and Springsteen songs.

Naturally, everyone had a reaction. The reaction of us here at GoobNet was something along the lines of: “I remember that guy! And I remember that guy too! Also that girl!”

Well, except for Wen. Her reaction was something along the lines of: “What is that? Like, four female correspondents and fifty male?”

But what of the non-GoobNet portion of the world? It is finally time for that segment of the world to speak up and have its voice heard. And it will speak up by writing its speech in written form and sending it to the GoobNet Mailbox. Inside the GoobNet Mailbox, you will find your questions, comments, and opinions relating to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show.

First, though, we must offer our usual cautions. The GoobNet Mailbox should not be opened by hypochondriacs, germophobes, or those who can remember when somebody who just said one thing said a completely different thing. Nor should it be opened during a month that contains the letter R, or on a date that falls between the first and the thirty first of any month. And please remember that bullshit is everywhere, especially in this paragraph.

Is he gone?

– Jim Cramer
New York City, NY, USA

Yes. Until he starts his inevitable video podcast, “An Old Cranky Man Reacts to the World by Making Silly Faces and Sound Effects”.

I remember when one of my staffers explained to me that the “waah” noise that Jon Stewart made when he was impersonating me was supposed to be the Penguin and not a crying baby. Good times.

– Dick Cheney
Jackson, WY, USA

How does the Penguin sound like a crying baby? Granted, Jon Stewart’s impersonations are usually way off the mark, but still.

Yeah, he totally did not capture my mannerisms. What was he doing, playing some kind of bad back giggler who leans over, giggling, and giggles while leaning over? It didn’t make any sense!

– George W Bush
Crawford, TX, USA

Say that again, but with a beat, please.

I agreed with everything that Jon Stewart ever said, with the obvious exception of everything that he ever said.

– Brit Hume
New York City, NY, USA

Wait, who are you again? The bowtie guy?

I remember when Jon Stewart was funny.

– Howard Kurtz
New York City, NY, USA

Ah yes, TUE 07 JUN 2011. Who can forget Jon bleeding for America?

My rally had way more people than his.

– Glenn Beck
Westlake, TX, USA

Keep telling yourself that. Also, keep writing on blackboards.

Jon Stewart is a darling of the left. It’s “Jon Stewart eviscerates Bill O’Reilly”, “Jon Stewart takes Fox News to task”. When has Jon Stewart ever stood up for anything or made a statement on what he believes in, rather than tearing down the work of others?

– Tucker Carlson
Washington, DC, USA

Yes. When has he ever taken a stand?

I do not understand why Jon Stewart has been comparing me to a turtle for all these years. I have served in the Senate for over thirty years, with one objective in mind: to make the lives of everyday hard working Americans better. Why, just the other day, I was looking at myself in the mirror, just as I am now, and I said to myself, “How can I make the lives of everyday hard working Americans better today?”. As I was saying that to myself, I thought of all of the everyday hard working Americans who work hard every day in America, a thought that gave me – oh, wait. I see it now. Well played, Jon Stewart.

– Mitch McConnell
Louisville, KY, USA

He’s got you pegged, hyup.