WEEKLY WHINE

Stump Edvard about about

The English language currently has 271,073 words, according to Wiktionary. Of these words, about is one of them.

The word about describes a great many desirable states. One should always have one’s wits about one. One should know something about everything and everything about something. One may go about one’s business, safe in the knowledge that these are not the droids one is looking for. One should go on walkabout. One should know when shit is about to go down.

Yes, the word about makes appearances in a variety of places at a variety of times. But too often it is overlooked in favour of more attractive prepositions like until, before, or throughout.

Well, no more. It is time for about to be talked about. It is time for about to get everyone thinking about it.

In fact, one might say that it’s about time for about.

“Dynamite Eating” Edvard van de Kamp has just reminded us that although one might say that, one shouldn’t. So, just for that, we will now require an answer from Edvard to each of your questions about about. Were you successful in stumping Edvard? Let us now find out about that.

Dear Edvard: What type of word is about?

– Al Manfrey
Madison, WI, USA

Dear Al: It is an English word.

Dear Edvard: No, I mean, is it a noun, a verb, an adverb?

– Al Manfrey
Madison, WI, USA

Dear Al: It is a preposition. That property is the part of speech.

Dear Edvard: Why do the rest of you pronounce the word about so weird? Just say “a boot”, eh.

– Cameron Mitchell
Windsor, ON, Canada

Dear Cameron: Let’s trade pronunciations. We’ll start saying “a boot” if you’ll start saying “out”.

Dear Edvard: What can you tell us about the word about without using the word about?

– Claude Kelvin
Halbournette, QC, Canada

Dear Claude: Nothing. Describing the word about requires usage of the word about, as in: “The word about is a preposition”.

Dear Edvard: What was the first program to have an about box?

– Leslie Abbott
Hardmay, CO, USA

Dear Leslie: About boxes were first included in the Macintosh operating system. The programmes that shipped with that OS each had an about menu item.

Dear Edvard: Has there ever been a film titled About?

– Sammie Wallerrey
Lifeside, CA, USA

Dear Sammie: No, but last year’s Interwoven went by the working title About.

Dear Edvard: When will France’s About-Picard law lead to a total ban on all religions throughout France? Because we know it’s all just a matter of time.

– Brian P Jenkins
Frankfort, KY, USA

Dear Brian: Never. The About-Picard law permits the dissolution of an organisation whose leaders have been sentenced to specific crimes, including endangering people’s lives or health, and consumer fraud. Unless you are arguing that all religious leaders are engaged in consumer fraud.

Dear Edvard: Why aren’t more people engaged in consumer fraud?

– Sol Morganstern
Daly City, CA, USA

Dear Sol: Because they’re dumb.