WEEKLY WHINE

GoobNet rescues your brand

We have apparently become experts on visual identity.

Yay us!

If you are surprised that we have apparently become experts on visual identity, you are not alone. We are just as baffled as you are. But we are baffled whilst simultaneously being experts on visual identity.

Although we are not in fact experts on visual identity, we have in recent weeks received many, many questions from people who are very, very interested in their own visual identities. They believe that we can help them improve their visual identities.

These people are clearly very, very confused.

But still, they took time out of their busy days to write to us and seek our guidance on their visual identities. So who are we to turn their backs on us? Nobody, because it doesn’t make sense for us to turn their backs on us. They’re not our backs to turn. Instead, we will turn their fronts to us and provide our expert guidance in a page we call the GoobNet Mailbox. Prepare to read their questions and our answers. Also, prepare for the warm steam bath that all readers of the GoobNet Mailbox must undergo prior to reading the GoobNet Mailbox. Also also, disregard the melty burny sensation that you may feel during that warm steam bath. Mary Kate and Ashley felt that too, but they have suffered no long term ill effects.

My friend and I own a food truck in San Diego that serves fried rice with a variety of fruits and vegetables mixed in. What sort of branding should we have?

– Masha Wu
San Diego, CA, USA

You should select a name for your truck and paint it on the side. You should also include a brief description of the type of food you provide. The truck’s decorations should include a menu near the service window. You should also have a website, or at least a page on a social networking website or two.

I am the general manager of a minor league baseball team. We have kept the same name for forty years, but our parent club is pressuring us to use their nickname. Should we?

– Rex Baystrom
Minevale, CO, USA

No. Minor league baseball affiliations change frequently. You want your fans to continue to come to your games regardless of whether they like the team with whom you are currently affiliated.

I have a website for my podcast where my friend and I offer our compelling viewpoints about Heroes Reborn. Should I use a custom font on my website?

– Samia Aliviann
Ann Arbor, MI, USA

No. Custom fonts take too long to load, especially for mobile viewers.

I work for a major US city, where I manage a contract with a major visual identity consulting firm. The contract is to update the visual identity of our city. Should we request that they publish our visual identity guidelines as a PDF file, or as a webpage?

– Catrin Pankolin
Atlanta, GA, USA

You should not have a document of visual identity guidelines. Cities and other government entities should have official seals, not logos, and definitely not visual identities.

How do I know if I have chosen the right colour scheme for my blog?

– Chris Poll
Melbourne, VIC, Australia

If the text is legible, you have chosen a good colour scheme.

I am developing the brand identity for my recipe app. I have a logo, a wordmark, a set of primary, secondary, and tertiary colours, fonts for headlines and for main text, display page layouts for large, medium, and small screens, and a set of icons. How much time should I spend on animation effects before I begin alpha testing?

– Runnille B Balthomay
Lafayette, LA, USA

You don’t think maybe you should work on finding some actual recipes?

Do you like my new golden 50 yard line markers?

– Roger Goodell
New York City, NY, USA

No. They are almost invisible against green grass.

What about the Color Rush games? Aren’t those totally awesome? Don’t you youngsters love that?

– Roger Goodell
New York City, NY, USA

No. Go away.