WEEKLY WHINE

Rush to stump Edvard

We here at GoobNet were intrigued to hear of the NFL’s Colour Rush programme, wherein teams would finally wear the same colour from shoulders to ankles.

But there were many problems with the Colour Rush, beginning with the very first game. On THU 12 NOV 2015, the Buffalo Bills, in red, took on the New York Jets, in green, resulting in a disaster for viewers with red-green colourblindness. Thankfully, the NFL has learned from this error: when the same two teams played another Colour Rush game this year, the Jets wore white instead of green.

Errors that the NFL has yet to learn from include the unsightly powder blue v gold matchups between Tennessee and Jacksonville, the teams’ inability to select their colours based upon the opponent, and most importantly, the existence of Thursday night games in the first place.

We here at GoobNet have attempted to fix the problems in the Colour Rush system by introducing alternative kits for each team.

But what about you? What do you think of the NFL’s insistence upon rushing toward colour? Did you like the kits that were revealed last year? Do you want to see your favourite teams in new kits? Or do you want the NFL to stop genuflecting to the whims of Nike?

We put those questions to you, and you put your answers, in the form of questions, to our very own “Dynamite Eating” Edvard van de Kamp, who, over the years, has become slightly more interested in American football. Let us now see what you said to him, and what he said in response to you.

Dear Edvard: Why are you guys at GoobNet so excited about the Color Rush thing? Usually you hate it when big corporations make obvious ploys for money like that.

– Brian Hattershew
Three Spoons, NY, USA

Dear Brian: Yes, the Colour Rush programme is clearly a cash grab for Nike. However, we are in favour of NFL teams wearing jerseys and pants of the same colour if they so choose.

Dear Edvard: Monochrome uniforms are an abomination.

– Eric Lacrosse
Ann Arbor, MI, USA

Dear Eric: What makes you say that?

Dear Edvard: Teams should have the right to wear any color pants they want.

– Eric Lacrosse
Ann Arbor, MI, USA

Dear Eric: We concur. Teams should have the right to wear pants of any colour, including the colour of the jersey.

Dear Edvard: Why are you so in love with the Color Rush? Teams like the Packers and the Cowboys have perfect uniforms. Why would you want to change them?

– Joseph McCarter
Lake Present, WI, USA

Dear Joseph: You must be joking. Teams like Green Bay and Dallas have fallen into the trap of brightly coloured pants. Americans act as though they look good because they have been the same for decades.

Dear Edvard: I liked the concept of Color Rush. It makes it easier to tell the teams apart when they’re both wearing one color. But I didn’t like some of the uniforms, like the Seahawks and the 49ers.

– Erica Jhani
Newark, NJ, USA

Dear Erica: Yes, monochromatic kits make it easier to distinguish the teams. For example, on occasion the NFL has a game in which one team wears pants of the same colour as their opponent’s jersey. We agree that some teams made the wrong decision on their Colour Rush kits. But some, like Cincinnati and Dallas, made excellent choices.

Dear Edvard: So what do you think makes a good Color Rush uniform?

– Bradley Bragg
All Hollands, MS, USA

Dear Bradley: The NFL gave each team the ability to choose its own Colour Rush kit. I think the best ones were the ones that drew inspiration from the teams’ kit history. San Diego, for example, put their previous colours of royal blue and gold into their current kit design, whilst Denver put their current colours of orange and navy into their previous kit design.

Other teams took the opportunity to correct mistakes in their current kits. For instance, Cincinnati’s normal white jersey has a garish orange stripe across the shoulders. They removed it for their Colour Rush kit.

Dear Edvard: Isn’t the Color Rush thing just further proof that the NFL is broken? They are spending all their money and time on unnecessary new uniforms instead of trying to avoid concussions and spousal abuse.

– Jordana de Kahel
Austin, TX, USA

Dear Jordana: Yes, the NFL has become a victim of its own success. But at least it is going down in a blaze of colour.

Dear Edvard: Why did some teams choose their worst uniforms for the Color Rush? Like the 49ers and the Eagles. They both have terrible black jerseys, and they both used them for the Color Rush.

– Antonio Gutierrez
Napa, CA, USA

Dear Antonio: Because they’re dumb.