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WEEKLY WHINE

2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Turanga Leela Conference

There now follows a ranking of the top 32 lines and exchanges of Futurama in the Turanga Leela Conference. The top eight items in each conference advance to the championship tournament.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.


1. 4ACV04: “Less Than Hero”

Turanga Leela: I’ll be able to pack my day with twice as many humdrum activities!Philip J Fry: Leela, I think you’re missing the big picture.Philip J Fry: When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy?Turanga Leela: To have parents.Philip J Fry: Whatever. The correct answer is: to be a superhero!Philip J Fry: We have superpowers, and we’re Americans. This is our chance!Turanga Leela: Hmmm, I have been looking for a way to serve the community...Turanga Leela: ...that incorporates my violence. Let’s do it!Philip J Fry: You’ll barely regret this!


2. 4ACV18: “The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings”

Turanga Leela: Please don’t stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.


3. 7ACV26: “Meanwhile”

Philip J Fry: Well, what do you say? Wanna go around again?Turanga Leela: I do.


4. 5ACV09: Bender’s Game part one

Turanga Leela: I don’t have any...Turanga Leela: ...godda- [bzzt]...Turanga Leela: ...motherf- [bzzt]...Turanga Leela: ...anger issues!


5. 3ACV01: “Amazon Women in the Mood”

Zapp Brannigan: I’m calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy.Turanga Leela: Forget it.Zapp Brannigan: Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on ten dates.Turanga Leela: How about zero?Zapp Brannigan: Nine.Turanga Leela: Zero.Zapp Brannigan: Seven.Turanga Leela: Zero.Zapp Brannigan: Eight?Amy Wong: Please, Leela? Kif’s, like, the sweetest guy who’s ever liked me.Zapp Brannigan: Five, and that’s my final offer. Four.Turanga Leela: One.Zapp Brannigan: Two.Turanga Leela: One half.Zapp Brannigan: I’ll take it. We’ll meet you tonight for part of dinner and the first half of a movie.


6. 3ACV09: “The Cyber House Rules”

Dr Adlai Atkins: Leela, you’re 999,999 in a million.


7. 3ACV15: “I Dated a Robot”

Turanga Leela: Bender, this is Fry’s decision. And he made it wrong.


8. 3ACV07: “The Day the Earth Stood Stupid”

Turanga Leela: Me? Award? Him? Me? Good?Judge: That’s just the kind of eloquence you’d expect from the owner of Dumbest Pet in Show!


9. 3ACV09: “The Cyber House Rules”

Turanga Leela: Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!


10. 1ACV04: “Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Turanga Leela: The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately...Turanga Leela: ...two hours ago.


11. 1ACV04: “Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Turanga Leela: The only kind of crawling I’m doing to you is away.Turanga Leela: From.


12. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Turanga Leela: Look, I don’t know about your previous captains...Turanga Leela: ...but I intend to do as little dying as possible.Hermes Conrad: Oh, ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Sign the paper.


13. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Turanga Leela: Hold still, dammit! I don’t have good depth perception!


14. 1ACV04: “Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Turanga Leela: Zapp, last night was a mistake.Zapp Brannigan: A sexy mistake.Turanga Leela: No, just a regular mistake.


15. 3ACV02: “Parasites Lost”

Turanga Leela: I’m still seduced from before.


16. 7ACV11: “31st Century Fox”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: What you call the atrocity of crazed dogs tearing a helpless fox to shreds...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...others call a pleasant jaunt in the park.Turanga Leela: The first thing.


17. 7ACV15: “2-D Blacktop”

Turanga Leela: Our safe new ship has arrived, and it’s gonna knock your socks back on, where they belong!


18. 7ACV24: “Murder on the Planet Express”

Philip J Fry: I didn’t know we had a panic room.Turanga Leela: Me neither. It really could have come in handy.Turanga Leela: Like, fifty times.


19. 7ACV22: “Leela and the Genestalk”

Turanga Leela: Listen Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together –Philip J Fry: Goulash?Turanga Leela: No.Turanga Leela: Well, I don’t know. Maybe it was goulash.


20. 7ACV02: “A Farewell to Arms”

Turanga Leela: The one time your hands aren’t sticky, they’re greasy!


21. 7ACV05: “Zapp Dingbat”

Turanga Munda: After all these years, I’m going places I’ve never been, and having sex there!Turanga Leela: You’re too old to be happy!


22. 7ACV26: “Meanwhile”

Philip J Fry: We can get married in the morning. Except there won’t be morning.Turanga Leela: We can worry about that in the morning.


23. 7ACV26: “Meanwhile”

Philip J Fry: Leela, my love, will you marry me?Turanga Leela: Oh my gosh. This is all so sudden, after thirteen years.


24. 4ACV04: “Less Than Hero”

Singers: Clobberella beats you up! Clobberella beats you up!Singers: Who does she beat up? You! Clobberella!


25. 5ACV09: Bender’s Game part one

Philip J Fry: Let it go! Don’t let your temper get the better of –Turanga Leela: Rednecks!


26. 6ACV21: “Yo Leela Leela”

Albert: Miss Leela, I have a question.Turanga Leela: Yes, Albert?Albert: That story was bad.Turanga Leela: That’s not really a question.Albert: That wasn’t really a story.Turanga Leela: I’m sorry, kids. I’m not a natural storyteller.Turanga Leela: But I promise, I’ll make up a better story and come back again.Sally: Please don’t.


27. 6ACV07: “The Late Philip J Fry”

Turanga Leela: Fry stood me up and died? I’m so angry!Turanga Leela: I mean, I’m so sad!Turanga Leela: But I’m still pretty angry! But also sad!Turanga Leela: Can I be both?Hermes Conrad: It’s what he’d want.Turanga Leela: Then that’s what I am!


28. 3ACV14: “Time Keeps On Slippin’”

Turanga Leela: I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.


29. 3ACV16: “A Leela of Her Own”

Announcer: Your attention, please. Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela.Announcer: A one eyed woman.


30. 3ACV09: “The Cyber House Rules”

Turanga Leela: Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man...Turanga Leela: ...who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he’s crummy.Turanga Leela: I think I deserve that once in life.


31. 3ACV05: “The Birdbot of Ice-catraz”

Turanga Leela: I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them!Free Waterfall Sr: This time the two are one and the same.


32. 3ACV03: “A Tale of Two Santas”

Turanga Leela: Wait! This is what we’re running from!

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