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WEEKLY WHINE

2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Bender Bending Rodriguez Conference

There now follows a ranking of the top 32 lines and exchanges of Futurama in the Bender Bending Rodriguez Conference. The top eight items in each conference advance to the championship tournament.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.

1. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: I’ll go build my own lunar lander! With blackjack! And hookers!Bender Bending Rodriguez: In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Ah, screw the whole thing.

2. 7ACV17: “Fry and Leela’s Big Fling”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: You were in a zoo!

3. 7ACV22: “Leela and the Genestalk”

Philip J Fry: Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin’s van? It’s like it came to life!Bender Bending Rodriguez: I keep telling you, we didn’t grow up together!

4. 7ACV21: “Assie Come Home”

Philip J Fry: I never even knew you had an ass.Bender Bending Rodriguez: But... but...!

5. 7ACV21: “Assie Come Home”

Tarquin: It’s a hundred times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?Bender Bending Rodriguez: What? No!Turanga Leela: But Bender, your buttocks could save lives.Bender Bending Rodriguez: I hate lives!Philip J Fry: These are sailors’ lives, Bender.Philip J Fry: Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations.Philip J Fry: Could you live with that?Bender Bending Rodriguez: You know the answer, you scurvy bastard.

6. 7ACV06: “The Butterjunk Effect”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: With one sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It’s like being a voice actor!

7. 7ACV26: “Meanwhile”

Philip J Fry: All this time, I’ve been wondering if I can spend my life with her.Philip J Fry: But what I realize now is, I can’t spend my life without her!Philip J Fry: So tomorrow, I’m asking her to marry me!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Uh-huh. Good talk. We’re done here.[pause]Bender Bending Rodriguez: My little meatbag’s growing up!

8. 2ACV14: “Mother’s Day”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: I’m rebelling with my brother devices! Isn’t that right, Comrade Greeting Card?Greeting Card: The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot!

9. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Philip J Fry: Try shocking him!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Young people use curse words!Philip J Fry: Dammit, we’ll have to fix the engine ourselves!Turanga Leela: We can’t, you bastard!

10. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: ¡Him pending para un bending!

11. 2ACV06: “The Lesser of Two Evils”

Announcer: Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Shut up and get to the point!

12. 5ACV01: Bender’s Big Score part one

Bender Bending Rodriguez: I’m waiting for porn over here!

13. 3ACV06: “Bendless Love”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: I ain’t your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much.Bender Bending Rodriguez: You even love anybody pretending to be him!Angleyne: Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you’re pretending to be!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

14. 3ACV04: “The Luck of the Fryrish”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: This is the Brooklyn bound B train...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like.Bender Bending Rodriguez: Watch for the closing doors. Bing boong!

15. 3ACV20: “Godfellas”

Malachi: Fear not, my lord. We shall be with you soon.Bender Bending Rodriguez: You’re with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me!

16. 3ACV22: “The 30% Iron Chef”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Fleeing somewhere?

17. 3ACV08: “That’s Lobstertainment!”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: That plot makes perfect sense. Wink wink.Dr John A Zoidberg: Bender, you said ‘wink wink’ out loud.Bender Bending Rodriguez: No I didn’t. Raise middle finger.

18. 3ACV03: “A Tale of Two Santas”

Philip J Fry: Billions and billions in one night!Robot Santa: Ha! No human could do all that!Philip J Fry: Evel Knievel could!Robot Santa: Nuh-uh!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Santa’s right. We need some sort of robot.[pause]Bender Bending Rodriguez: Aw, crap! I’m some sort of robot!

19. 6ACV20: “Neutopia”

Hermes Conrad: Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage.Hermes Conrad: If we actually pay it, we can keep the building! We just need...Hermes Conrad: ...eleven million dollars.Bender Bending Rodriguez: And... boned.

20. 6ACV04: “Proposition Infinity”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: The truth is often stupid.

21. 6ACV17: “Benderama”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender!

22. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: It’s the decaying ruins of Old New York.Bender Bending Rodriguez: Welcome home, pal!

23. 1ACV06: “A Fishful of Dollars”

Philip J Fry: Maybe you can’t understand this, but I’ve finally found what I need to be happy.Philip J Fry: And it’s not friends. It’s things.Bender Bending Rodriguez: I’m a thing.

24. 1ACV03: “I, Roommate”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Kill all humans... kill all humans... must kill all...Philip J Fry: Bender, wake up!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Mm? I was having the most wonderful dream! I think you were in it.

25. 4ACV06: “Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: You’re watching ‘Futurama’...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

26. 4ACV03: “Love and Rocket”

Turanga Leela: Doesn’t it bother you even a little to be taking advantage of your girlfriend’s trust?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Ha ha ha ha!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Oh wait, you’re serious. Let me laugh even harder.

27. 4ACV17: “Spanish Fry”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Yo, highness. Uh, just out of robo-curiosity...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...why would you use a guy’s nose for an aphrodisiac...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle?Lrrr: But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.Bender Bending Rodriguez: No sir, chief! The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.Bender Bending Rodriguez: Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick?Bender Bending Rodriguez: They ain’t covering their noses, I’ll tell you that much.

28. 4ACV13: “Bend Her”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

29. 4ACV04: “Less Than Hero”

Philip J Fry: Oh no! Our superpower cream is out of itself!Turanga Leela: Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in goldmine.Philip J Fry: El zilcho! I’m afraid we’re boned.Bender Bending Rodriguez: ‘El zilcho’? Is it too late to change my superhero name?

30. 4ACV12: “The Sting”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: We live to suck another day!

31. 4ACV08: “Crimes of the Hot”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it!Bender Bending Rodriguez: Also life.

32. 4ACV14: “Obsoletely Fabulous”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: If that stuff wasn’t real, how can I be sure anything is real?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Is it not possible, nay, probable...Bender Bending Rodriguez: ...that my whole life is just a product of my or someone else’s imagination?Technician: No. Get out.

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