WEEKLY WHINE

Living to suck another day

This week in the 2006 Men's World Cup, Andorra and Liechtenstein both won World Cup qualifiers for the first time.

All together now: Yaaaay.

But when will they win World Cup qualifiers for the second time? GoobNet knows.

And that's exactly what you were afraid of, isn't it?

ANDORRA

WED 17 NOV 2004: The Netherlands come out eager for the win in Andorra La Vella, the capital. Netherlands coach Marco Van Basten tells reporters before the match, "I like the name of this city. What's it mean? 'Andorra the Beautiful'?" His ignorance does not go far, however, as Andorra's Justo Ruíz puts the home side ahead after 30 minutes on a header. Edgar Davids has to come out at halftime when his goggles fog up, and he is replaced by Marco Van Bommel, who scores two to get the win.
Result: Andorra 01-02 Netherlands

WED 09 FEB 2005: Macedonia FYR look for revenge against Andorra, but the visitors are up for the challenge, having set their alarms early. Aco Stojkov is the hero for Macedonia FYR when he suddenly shouts "Hey, look over there!", picks up the ball, and throws it into the goal while everyone else is wondering what he saw.
Result: Macedonia FYR 01-00 Andorra

SAT 26 MAR 2005: Still winless Armenia host Andorra in a match that will go partway toward determining the wooden spoon in Group 1. Some of the players appear to be confused about the point of the match, though, as some of them have actually brought wooden spoons to the stadium in Yerevan. In a wonderfully sporting gesture, the referee agrees to keep the spoons in his pocket during the match. Unfortunately, the plan backfires as Andorra keeper Koldo Alvarez fouls Edgar Manucharyan during a corner kick. The referee immediately gives a penalty and shows Alvarez a spoon. The penalty is converted, but Antonio Lima scores a late equaliser.
Result: Armenia 01-01 Andorra

WED 30 MAR 2005: Andorra return home to face the Czech Republic in a must win match for both sides. Unfortunately, not even half an hour in, Alvarez is shown a spoon for dissent, meaning he'll be suspended for the next match against the Czechs for wooden spoon accumulation. Meanwhile, Tomáš Rosický scores three goals, all on headers, and Marek Heinz adds two, both on assers.
Result: Andorra 00-05 Czech Rep

LIECHTENSTEIN

WED 17 NOV 2004: Liechtenstein come back to Vaduz to meet Latvia, whose coach, Aleksandrs Starkovs, serves the fourth match of a six match suspension. Of course, it's his last match in charge of the Latvian side anyway. In this match, Jurijs Laizans is active, taking ten shots. But in a cruel twist of fate, all ten of them are off target, and all ten fly into the stands and knock over spectators' beers. Andrejs Prohorenkovs, though, does not have that type of luck. He scores twice, and Latvia escape with the much needed win.
Result: Liechtenstein 00-02 Latvia

SAT 26 MAR 2005: Russia are the next visitors to Vaduz, bringing with them Viacheslav Malafeev, the same goalkeeper who gave up seven goals to Portugal. Since then he got bigger gloves, and as a result Liechtenstein simply cannot break through. Meanwhile, Aleksei Smertin is able to score a hat trick for Russia when he scores on three free kicks near the area. One looks as though it is headed for the post, but the ball's wavefunction tunnels through the post and into the net.
Result: Liechtenstein 00-03 Russia

SAT 04 JUN 2005: Liechtenstein then make a trip to Estonia, who defeated them 2-1 to start the qualifying campaign. But this time, the goalkeepers are not so lucky. Mart Poom of Estonia and Peter Jehle of Liechtenstein both complain about the muddy conditions in their respective areas. Sure enough, when the match starts, they are slow to respond to just about every shot that heads their way. Thomas Beck, Franz Burgmeier, Ingemar Teever, and Kristen Viikmäe all record hat tricks. Poom and Jehle continue to complain, going out to a bar afterward to discuss their difficulties. It is only the start to an unlikely friendship.
Result: Estonia 07-07 Liechtenstein

WED 08 JUN 2005: Liechtenstein's Baltic road trip continues into Latvia in the return leg. This time, Prohorenkovs takes ten shots, all of them off target. All ten fly into the stands and knock over spectators' iced teas. But Jurijs Laizans scores the winner in this match after two goals for each side in the first half. After the loss, Liechtenstein coach Martin Andermatt must face the questions from reporters: "Are you concerned about your side's performance these last few matches?" "What did you tell them in the locker room today?" "Would you agree that Andermatt is a silly name?"
Result: Latvia 03-02 Liechtenstein