WEEKLY WHINE

Let’s go into space and stump Edvard

Last week, US president Barack Obama announced a new component of his space policy: a replacement for the Ares V heavy lift vehicle that was formerly part of the Constellation programme. This vehicle will be used to meet a series of targets that Obama cited: a human mission beyond the Moon by 2025, a human mission to Mars orbit by the middle of the 2030s.

But it still depends upon the private sector to develop new and improved launch vehicles for humans. This has opened the plan to criticism from numerous well known names in space travel, including Neil Armstrong, Jim Lovell, Gene Cernan, Gene Kranz, Chris Kraft, and, Mike Griffin. Nonetheless, the plan has the support of other well known names in space travel, including Buzz Aldrin, Sally Ride, Charlie Boldin, and Elon Musk.

So who is right? Which portions of the plan will succeed, and which will be a waste of our time? The only person who can pretend to know is our very own expert on a certain amount of things, “Dynamite Eating” Edvard van de Kamp. If you would like a chance to stump Edvard, send all your personally identifying information to that one insane guy who has been at all of the tea party things in the United States. After all, if you really believe that the government should not be in the business of regulating the private sector or protecting your individual rights, you should have no concerns about that one guy knowing everything there is to know about you.

Dear Edvard: The president has announced that the US will visit an asteroid by 2025. How long will it really take to get to an asteroid?

– Charles A Foxmaker
Window Bluff, VT, USA

Dear Charles: Well, it can take varying amounts of time depending upon the asteroid. For an asteroid with a perihelion from 1 to 1.3 AU, we are likely looking at a total mission duration of twelve to eighteen months, of which up to three months could be spent at the asteroid.

Dear Edvard: If we are only going to orbit Mars by 2035, when will we actually land there?

– Kelly Bookmaker
Portland, OR, USA

Dear Kelly: We could land on Mars in the same mission. But if we assume that missions to Mars will be flown at every launch window, the next opportunity, assuming the orbital mission is a success, would be in 2037.

Dear Edvard: Which asteroid should we go to? I personally prefer Apollo.

– Ryan Portenbleumaker
Galveston, TX, USA

Dear Ryan: It would be awesome for humans to land on an asteroid that just happens to be called 1862 Apollo. 1620 Geographos might also be a good candidate.

Dear Edvard: My sister sends her regrets that she is unable to submit a question this time. She has trouble with her back lately, and she right now sees a specialist.

– Samantha Fïllar-Soukmaker
Stockholm, Sweden

Dear Samantha: Back issues always suck. Tell her to lie down on a bed of grapes. It might not help, but it would be an awesome picture.

Dear Edvard: When will private launch vehicles be able to send humans into space?

– Lisa Younkmaker
South Pudsley, England, UK

Dear Lisa: They already have. SpaceShipOne won the X Prize in 2004.

Dear Edvard: The International Space Station is built to an outdated design and should be replaced, so why does President Obama’s plan not include a replacement space station?

– Unser van Ilkmaker
Frampton, NJ, USA

Dear Unser: The ISS may be based on an old design, but that does not make it any less useful. It is an important research station, especially now that it supports a crew of six, and it provides a destination for the other partner nations that are developing human rated launch vehicles.

Dear Edvard: I would like to sign up for the mission to orbit around Mars. Where should I go?

– Ken Ibbersmaker
Toronto, ON, CAN

Dear Ken: You should probably go to Johnson Space Center. Of course, before that, you should also spend some time at some schools, some gymnasia, and some simulators.

Dear Edvard: Why don’t people just agree that exploring space is awesome and that we should give NASA lots of money to do it?

– John Young
Houston, TX, USA

Dear John: Because they’re dumb.