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ENDLESS TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCES BRING NEW AND BETTER PORN

WEEKLY WHINE

So that’s why my margarita is so confusing

Was there something missing from this Men’s World Cup? Did you feel a strange empty feeling as the tournament was going on?

If you are Italian, this may be an unfamiliar feeling to you. You can rest assured that this is how the rest of us feel when our teams suck.

Anyway, if that empty feeling has led you to feel aimless and unsure what action to take, you should seek guidance from something that is completely arbitrary and cannot possibly provide guidance related to your actual situation. That’s right, GoobNet’s Misfortune Cookies. Paul the Octopus doesn’t always eat fortune cookies. But when he does, he makes it GoobNet’s Misfortune Cookies.

  • BRING YOUR VUVUZELA TO YOUR DAUGHTER’S PIANO RECITAL
  • TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO LET PALERMO PLAY
  • YOUR LUCKY FORMATION IS THE 4-4-2, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE’S
  • PLAY A DUTCH STYLE OF FOOTBALL. TACKLE FROM BEHIND
  • OH NO! YOUR SHORTS ARE A SIMILAR COLOUR TO THE OTHER TEAM!
  • YOUR FAVOURITE TEAM WILL FAIL TO QUALIFY FOR THE 2014 WORLD CUP
  • SO YOUR FAVOURITE TEAM IS ENGLAND? VERY WELL, I STAND BY WHAT I SAID
  • REMAIN SKEPTICAL WHEN YOU ASK A PLAYER IF HE HANDLED THE BALL AS HE SCORED A GOAL
  • YOUR JOB WILL NOT LAST MUCH LONGER. WAIT, SORRY, THAT’S MARCELLO LIPPI’S FORTUNE
  • GOAL LINE TECHNOLOGY WILL LEAD TO MANY CORRECT DECISIONS – ALL AGAINST YOU
  • DUDE, DO YOU KNOW WHICH MINUTE IT IS? THE SCOREBOARD’S NOT WORKING
  • LOOKS LIKE THE POWER IS STILL ON IN THIS BUILDING. AND TALKING OF POWER, LET’S SEE WHO OUR POWERADE CHOSEN ONES FOR TODAY ARE. THIS IS JOHN BARNES, SPEAKING FOR AUDIO FORTUNE COOKIES
  • THE FOURTH OFFICIAL HAS INDICATED 2 WORDS OF STOPPAGE FORTUNE. BLENDERS OBFUSCATE
  • THAT DRESS WITH THE BREWERY’S LOGO IS GOING TO BE MORE TROUBLE THAN IT’S WORTH
  • IF THIS WAS A FRENCH RESTAURANT, YOUR WAITER WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED, AND THE REST OF THE STAFF WOULD HAVE WALKED OUT
  • THIS IS A FRENCH RESTAURANT? THEN WHY THE HELL DID THEY GIVE YOU A FORTUNE COOKIE?

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