WEEKLY WHINE

Do not pack it with your knives

Travelling by aircraft?

Ha ha!

No, really. You are unfortunate to be using a mode of transportation that nobody should be using any more. Why would anyone travel through an atmosphere, especially at subsonic speeds? Have you any idea how inefficient that is? How much fuel that wastes? How much time that wastes? How many brain cells that wastes viewing How Do You Know on that tiny little screen?

Well, as long as you still have brain cells left, we have prepared a brand new Super Happy Assortment of GoobNet Activities Designed Exclusively for Lagged Individuals and Companions. Print them out and participate in them when you discover that your airline can’t put people on its aircraft, not because of the aircraft, but because of the ticket reading computers.

SPEE-MBER SEARCH

Find the hidden numbers in this box. Remember that they could be horizontal, vertical, sideways, backward, or diagonal.

Clues

1. The number of Es in the word football
2. “Loneliest number” in song minus one
3. Second digit of this year
4. Rhymes with opposite of villain
5. Number of Women’s World Cup titles for China PR
6. Number of Eastern European teams participating in the current Women’s World Cup
7. Total number of goals scored by Korea DPR and Colombia in their first two matches in the current Women’s World Cup
8. Number of players in the current Women’s World Cup wearing a shirt number less than one

WHAT’S SIMILAR?

Determine the common thread shared by the two columns shown below.

THE QUESTIONS

1. Who scored the first hat trick in Women’s World Cup history?

1. The woman who was wearing the captain’s armband
2. The woman whose first name can be found in the names of two US states
3. The woman who briefly coached Viterbese in 1999
4. The woman who currently coaches Canada’s women’s team

2. Who is the current leader in all time goals in Women’s World Cup tournaments?

1. The woman whose last name is palindromic
2. The woman who represents a nation located mainly in the Western Hemisphere
3. The woman who used a hyphenated name during her first Women’s World Cup
4. The woman who is currently on contract with a club in Women’s Professional Soccer

3. Which of these referees’ decisions was correct?

1. Gyoengyi Gaal not giving a penalty for handball on SUN 03 JUL 2011
2. Jorge Larrionda not giving Frank Lampard’s goal on SUN 27 JUN 2010
3. Martin Hansson giving William Gallas’s goal on WED 18 NOV 2009
4. Ali Bin Nasser giving Diego Maradona’s first goal on SUN 22 JUN 1986

4. In which year did Brazil win their first Women’s World Cup?

1. The one with digits that add up to 13
2. The one in which Japan first landed on the Moon
3. The one in which Twitter filed for bankruptcy
4. The one in which the historic Stewart-Colbert Act was vetoed by US president Michele Bachmann

[ show the answers ]