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WEEKLY WHINE

Stump Edvard on Teh Interwebs

As you know, we here at GoobNet have long been at the vanguard.

And as soon as we figure out what it is we’re at the vanguard of, we’ll be sure to let you know.

Anyway, one issue that has been very important in these last few years is the commenting mechanism on Internet sites. We here at GoobNet offer no real time commenting mechanisms, because we don’t want to. There is, of course, a mechanism that permits you to send messages to us, which you should totally do. But we thought it was time to talk about just how we, and other sites, share comments submitted by readers.

Also, we wanted to begin each paragraph with a different word that starts with an A.

Actually, another person who has been thinking about this recently also happens to work here at GoobNet. We are of course referring to “Dynamite Eating” Edvard van de Kamp, the man who famously said the word “bounce” to Sophia Loren. Today, he is going to say that word, plus many others, to you, as we once again give you the opportunity to Stump Edvard.

Dear Edvard: There are many sites I visit where the comments are completely out of hand. For example, on one news site, the first five comments on one article were all spam, and the first three comments on another were totally offensive. How do we prevent commenting on Internet sites from becoming a vast wasteland of hatred, trolling, and advertisements?

– Charlie Beauford
Portland, ME, USA

Dear Charlie: The comments must be moderated. It is possible, but unlikely, to have useful discussions on an unmoderated site. If a site wants to have useful comment areas, there should be either an active moderator, or it should enable the community to participate in the moderating process, for instance by allowing people to flag offensive comments.

Dear Edvard: How do I post a comment on GoobNet?

– Lucy Bache
Dundee, OR, USA

Dear Lucy: You just did.

Dear Edvard: I used to comment all the time on ESPN.com. Now it only lets you comment using a Facebook account. However, if you do, your comments also appear on your Facebook page, not just on ESPN.com. How do I prevent my comments from showing up everywhere?

– Neil Baker
Corpus Christi, TX, USA

Dear Neil: You can’t. Any comments you post on any website anywhere become the property of either the site itself or of the entity moderating the comments. For example, your letter is now our property, and we can post and repost it as we see fit. Mwahahaha.

Dear Edvard: I try to think twice before I post things now. That whole thing with the gun picture did not go down the way I intended.

– Brek Shea
Stoke, England, UK

Dear Brek: I think you’ll find that’s true of most things people post online.

Dear Edvard: Why isn’t GoobNet on Twitter? You could post abbreviated whines on Twitter.

– Marie-Alice Baker
Perth, WA, Australia

Dear Marie-Alice: There’s an idea. Here goes: “World football should all use same schedule. Status quo is untenable. Have conf tourneys all at once. Frees time for more internationals.”

Well, what do you know. I guess it could work after all.

Dear Edvard: How do I take back ownership of the comments that I post online?

– Samia Bhaumai
Mumbai, India

Dear Samia: You can’t. Not unless you occupy the Internet.

Dear Edvard: Thank you for bringing attention to our important cause. I am part of a group that has been trying to occupy the Internet for years. However, we have been unable to find an appropriate place to do it. Do you have any suggestions?

– Katey Branch
Stanford, CA, USA

Dear Katey: How about ESPN’s Facebook comments? Just post the same comment on every article, every hour, on the hour. That will totally work, and it will not have any negative repercussions of any sort whatsoever.

Dear Edvard: What happened to Porthole by GoobNet? That was a very active user community. I think you should recreate Porthole by GoobNet and turn it into the greatest user community in the history of user communities.

– Paul Pacton
Pacmard, DE, USA

Dear Paul: Deb was the editor of porthole.goobnet.net. Let’s ask her if she wants to recreate it.

[Editor: Sure, let’s recreate it. And whilst we’re at it, let’s recreate the Interaction user community. And the SnakeBall user community. No, I got it. Let’s make a new GoobNet HatBox site and let everyone come together to talk about whatever the fuck crazy shit they want to talk about. Yeah, that’s totally fucking perfect. How could that ever possibly be misused or become so large that it cannot be policed? Give me a fucking break.]

So... no, I guess.

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