WEEKLY WHINE

The solution to basketball

Hi. Let’s talk about basketball for a few minutes.

In particular, let’s talk about the last two minutes of basketball games for a few minutes – which is less time than it actually often takes to play those two minutes.

Yes, if a basketball game is even remotely close, within as many as ten points, in the last two minutes, the trailing team will foul intentionally in hopes of regaining possession while conceding as few points as possible. Sometimes, even the leading team will also foul intentionally, most frequently when a team is leading by three points and prefers to give their opponent two free throws rather than a potential tying basket.

All this has the effect of turning the end of a basketball game into a comical contest of free throws, interrupted only by rare occasions when one player is either sprinting down the court trying to avoid being fouled or trying to pass to a teammate with a better free throw percentage.

But there is another way.

We know this because the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] came up with it. In fact, they came up with it years ago. We just never gave them the opportunity to write an article about it, because we were too busy installing high speed rail throughout the United States or celebrating Nunavut.

Anyway, now that the GoobNet SPEED has the opportunity to tell us about it, here is their proposal for fixing the sport of basketball.

Hi. I’m Gaby, from the GoobNet SPEED. Here now is our pitch for our basketball solution.

Oh no! Tired of endless free throws in basketball games that just won’t end?

And how many times has this happened to you: Your team has played atrociously for 38 minutes, yet somehow they are trailing by only seven points. Your team’s coach tells the players to foul intentionally, hoping against hope that they will miss six consecutive free throws and your team will make three consecutive three pointers. But of course, that’s not how it happens. Your opponents make their free throws, and so the constant fouling only serves to prolong the agony of your team’s inevitable defeat.

Well, the GoobNet SPEED is proud to offer the solution. We call it the One Plus rule.

Here’s how it works. All personal fouls, excluding offensive fouls and double fouls, result in one free throw plus possession of the ball. Offensive fouls still result in a loss of possession, and double fouls still result in the same team retaining possession. In addition, if a player is fouled in the act of shooting, the free throw and possession are still awarded even if the shot is successful. If it is unsuccessful, the player is awarded two or three free throws, depending upon what type of shot was being attempted, plus possession.

It’s that simple. Just like that, we have solved the problem of intentional fouls.

I hear you asking: But Gaby, how can it really be that simple?

And to that I say: Shh. Don’t interrupt. I’m busy trying to tell you how it can really be that simple.

To understand this, we just have to look at why teams foul intentionally. It’s because they want the ball back. If you are trailing a basketball game, then by definition, you have fewer points than the other team. This is in contrast to the objective of basketball, which is to win the game. In order to do this, you must have more points than the other team. And in order to increase your point total such that it is more than the other team’s total, you need to score points. And that can be done only when you have possession of the ball.

But that is exactly why teams foul intentionally. Imagine you are coaching a team that is trailing with 30 seconds left and has reached the foul limit. Your team has just made a basket, reducing the deficit to four points. You tell your players to foul when the opposing team inbounds. If the opposing team misses the free throws, you have a good chance of rebounding the miss, which means you are still trailing by the same score but now have possession. And even if the opposing team makes their free throws, after the last one, you are awarded possession with a six point deficit. If you make a quick three pointer, you have actually reduced your deficit to three at the cost of only a few seconds of game time.

So how does the One Plus rule change things? Well, imagine the same scenario. Your team is trailing by four points, and the opposing team is about to inbound. Now what happens if your players foul intentionally? The opposing team is awarded a free throw – but it then is awarded the opportunity to inbound the ball again, regardless of whether the free throw was successful. Thus, if you were to foul intentionally, it would give the opposing team a free throw, and you would not be awarded possession afterward. Not even Isiah Thomas would instruct his team to foul intentionally in this situation.

Under the One Plus rule, a team that commits a foul always loses possession of the ball. The sole exception is double fouls, when opposing players commit fouls simultaneously. In this situation, no free throws are awarded, and the same team retains possession. If the fouls occurred while the ball was loose, a jump ball is given.

As it happens, a similar rule is currently in effect in the last two minutes for fouls away from the play. If a teammate of the ball carrier is fouled during this time, the team is awarded one free throw – which may be taken by any of the five players on the court. The same team is then awarded possession.

The One Plus rule differs from this rule in three respects. First, it applies throughout the game. Second, it applies regardless of who is fouled. Third, only the fouled player may take the free throw.

Therefore, the One Plus rule builds on the success of the rule for fouls away from the play. It has been such a strong deterrent that teams never foul off the ball intentionally at the end of a game. If they do foul off the ball, it is not intentional; it is a fuckup.

The NBA also has a similar rule for fouls occurring while a player has a clear path to the basket. The One Plus rule therefore makes this rule, and the rule for fouls away from the play, redundant.

In addition, the team foul and bonus rules are also made redundant, because at least one free throw is awarded on all defensive and loose ball fouls, regardless of how many a team had previously committed. The ludicrous concept of “fouls to give” therefore no longer exists. At last, we have reached the long sought after utopia where the same foul results in the same penalty regardless of when during the game it occurs.

I hear you asking: But Gaby, isn’t this too harsh of a punishment? Under the current rules, teams get either possession [for fouls up to the limit] or free throws [for shooting fouls and fouls over the limit]. And now you want to give both? For every defensive foul?

And to that I say: Of course we do.

Remember, we are discussing fouls. Fouls are instances of excessive contact intended to gain an unfair advantage. They are rule violations and, as such, must be punished.

More to the point, it has become plainly obvious that the current punishments are simply not sufficient. Even if we ignore the serious problem with intentional fouls that has stretched the conclusions of games halfway to oblivion, we must also act in response to the frequent tactical fouls. Players are often fouled in hopes that they will miss the free throws and lose possession. The One Plus rule would remove the incentive to do that.

The early portions of each period would be slowed slightly, because a free throw will now be taken after fouls that would have been under the limit. However, the late portions of the game will see dramatic acceleration, so we expect to see a net decrease in average game time.

So, to recap, here is a summary of how personal fouls are penalised under the One Plus rule.

• Defensive or loose ball foul:
  • Not while shooting: One free throw by fouled player plus possession
  • While shooting unsuccessfully: N free throws by fouled player plus possession, where N equals the value in points of the shot being attempted
  • While shooting successfully: Basket counts, plus one free throw by fouled player, plus possession
• Offensive foul: Loss of possession [same as current rule]
• Double foul: Same team retains possession, or jump ball if neither team had possession [same as current rule]

So, it is obvious that the crisis in which basketball currently finds itself deeply enmeshed would come to an end immediately if the One Plus rule was implemented. The last two minutes of games will take five to ten minutes to complete, instead of the twenty or more that they currently require.

Of course, to reduce that five to ten minutes down to the correct value of two, we will need to make an additional proposal or two. Perhaps if we required coaches to withstand 240 volts in order to be granted a timeout...