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WEEKLY WHINE

2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Philip J Fry Conference

There now follows a ranking of the top 32 lines and exchanges of Futurama in the Philip J Fry Conference. The top eight items in each conference advance to the championship tournament.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.

1. 3ACV02: “Parasites Lost”

Philip J Fry: Leela, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.Philip J Fry: But every time I try, I get nervous...Philip J Fry: ...and my mouth feels like it’s stuffed with peanut butter, even when it’s not.

2. 7ACV26: “Meanwhile”

Philip J Fry: Do I, Philip J Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?Turanga Leela: You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband?Philip J Fry: Yes?Turanga Leela: Absolutely.

3. 3ACV04: “The Luck of the Fryrish”

Philip J Fry: Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape!

4. 3ACV14: “Time Keeps On Slippin’”

Philip J Fry: Did you see it? Did you see it?Bender Bending Rodriguez: The explosion?Philip J Fry: No, not the explosion!Turanga Leela: Then what?[pause]Philip J Fry: Nothing.

5. 1ACV05: “Fear of a Bot Planet”

Philip J Fry: My god! He’s become evil![pause]Philip J Fry: I mean, eviler.

6. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Philip J Fry: We’re gonna die! It’s every man for himself![pause]Philip J Fry: Help me, Leela!

7. 1ACV13: “Fry and the Slurm Factory”

Philip J Fry: So what’s the secret ingredient?Glurmo: It’s whatever your imagination wants it to be.Philip J Fry: Oh. But what is it really?

8. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Philip J Fry: Hello? Pizza delivery for...Philip J Fry: ‘Icy Wiener’?Philip J Fry: Aw, crud!Philip J Fry: I always thought by this point in my life, I’d be the one making the crank calls!

9. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Turanga Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.Philip J Fry: Let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.Bender Bending Rodriguez: Too much work. Let’s burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.Turanga Leela: Okay. If everyone’s finished being stupid...Philip J Fry: I had more, but... you go ahead.

10. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Philip J Fry: I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago...Philip J Fry: ...I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut.Philip J Fry: I just didn’t have the grades. Or the physical endurance.Philip J Fry: Plus I threw up a lot, and nobody liked spending a week with me.Turanga Leela: A week would be a little much.

11. 6ACV07: “The Late Philip J Fry”

Philip J Fry: So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot!

12. 3ACV04: “The Luck of the Fryrish”

Philip J Fry: Game over! Phil wins! Yancy’s fans are stunned!Philip J Fry: There’ll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

13. 3ACV11: “Insane in the Mainframe”

Philip J Fry: I don’t like having disks crammed into me! Unless they’re Oreos. And then only in the mouth!

14. 3ACV11: “Insane in the Mainframe”

Philip J Fry: My roommate exploded!

15. 3ACV02: “Parasites Lost”

Philip J Fry: Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them.Turanga Leela: Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet?Philip J Fry: I did! I think. It was probably about fifty-fifty.

16. 3ACV03: “A Tale of Two Santas”

Philip J Fry: In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart!

17. 3ACV19: “Roswell That Ends Well”

Philip J Fry: But existing is basically all I do!

18. 3ACV13: “Bendin’ in the Wind”

Philip J Fry: Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal!

19. 3ACV04: “The Luck of the Fryrish”

Philip J Fry: Hey Leela, how about a kiss for good luck?[pause]Philip J Fry: I meant tongue luck.

20. 7ACV21: “Assie Come Home”

Philip J Fry: Um... remember we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face...Philip J Fry: ...and you said I’d probably crap my pants?Philip J Fry: Well...

21. 7ACV07: “The Six Million Dollar Mon”

Turanga Leela: Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil?Philip J Fry: In a second. I’m eavesdropping.Amy Wong: Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don’t use enough.Philip J Fry: I said not now!

22. 7ACV08: “Fun on a Bun”

Turanga Leela: I didn’t recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now.Philip J Fry: I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else.

23. 6ACV03: “Attack of the Killer App”

Turanga Leela: So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet!Toilet: Please, not to throw away. I give you happy poopy time.Philip J Fry: Sorry, you know too much.

24. 6ACV24: “Cold Warriors”

Yancy Fry Sr: Now bundle up. I don’t want you getting frozen.

25. 4ACV02: “Leela’s Homeworld”

Turanga Leela: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside...Turanga Leela: ...where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.Philip J Fry: Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

26. 2ACV04: “Xmas Story”

Philip J Fry: I never thought it would end this way, gunned down by Santa Claus.Philip J Fry: Honestly! I didn’t see it coming!

27. 2ACV19: “The Cryonic Woman”

Michelle: When we get back to the hole...Michelle: ...we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship!

28. 4ACV04: “Less Than Hero”

Turanga Leela: Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret!Philip J Fry: From everybody?Turanga Leela: Especially from everybody!Philip J Fry: Give several reasons why.Turanga Leela: For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage.Turanga Leela: And we don’t want to get our butts sued!Philip J Fry: Or do we?Philip J Fry: No, I guess not.

29. 4ACV17: “Spanish Fry”

Philip J Fry: Oh. Just a flying saucer.Philip J Fry: Excuse me! You can’t park here! The parking area’s over there!

30. 4ACV12: “The Sting”

Philip J Fry: Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

31. 7ACV23: “Game of Tones”

Turanga Leela: Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going.Fry’s mother: I was just telling him that, Leela.Philip J Fry: Mom, you know Leela?Fry’s mother: Nope.

32. 7ACV11: “31st Century Fox”

Philip J Fry: It’s Bender’s middle finger! I’d recognize this anywhere!

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