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WEEKLY WHINE

2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Wordplay and Linguistics Conference

There now follows a ranking of the top 32 lines and exchanges of Futurama in the Wordplay and Linguistics Conference. The top eight items in each conference advance to the championship tournament.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.


1. 3ACV09: “The Cyber House Rules”

Turanga Leela: But for once in my life, I just want to look normal.Philip J Fry: But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!


2. 5ACV14: Into the Wild Green Yonder part two

Turanga Leela: Full power to the vagyroscope!


3. 4ACV12: “The Sting”

Turanga Leela: Are you saying I’m going crazy?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: No, no. No one’s saying that.Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: But I’m certainly thinking it loudly.


4. 6ACV08: “That Darn Katz!”

Prof Ogden Wernstrom: Young lady, have you been drinking?Amy Wong: Well, yes. But that’s not revelant!


5. 6ACV22: “Fry Am the Egg Man”

Philip J Fry: That’s the kind of sap I like!Thog: You the kind of sap I like!Philip J Fry: I’m scaroused!


6. 2ACV03: “A Head in the Polls”

Jack Johnson: I say your three cent titanium tax goes too far!John Jackson: And I say your three cent titanium tax doesn’t go too far enough!


7. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Aide: Your Neutralness, it’s a beige alert.Neutral President: If I don’t survive, tell my wife: Hello.


8. 5ACV01: Bender’s Big Score part one

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: I’m sciencing as fast as I can!


9. 5ACV01: Bender’s Big Score part one

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: If Hermes were here, he’d fire you all!Hermes Conrad’s head: I am here!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Quiet, you! In his absence, I’m calling a mandatory company security seminar.Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: To the mandatorium!


10. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Sal: What do I look like? A guy who’s not lazy?


11. 7ACV18: “The Inhuman Torch”

Mayor C Randall Poopenmeyer: These boys must have hero in their bones.Mayor C Randall Poopenmeyer: And you, ma’am, must have heroin in your veins.


12. 7ACV07: “The Six Million Dollar Mon”

LaBarbara Conrad: Is that a harpoon in your chest?!Hermes Conrad: Yes! And I’m happy to see you!


13. 1ACV13: “Fry and the Slurm Factory”

Philip J Fry: My god. What if the secret ingredient...Philip J Fry: ...is people?!Turanga Leela: No, there’s already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.Philip J Fry: Oh. How is it?Turanga Leela: It varies from person to person.


14. 1ACV10: “A Flight to Remember”

Kif Kroker: Captain, may I have a word with you?Zapp Brannigan: No.Kif Kroker: It’s an emergency, sir.Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it’s a catastrophe.


15. 1ACV08: “A Big Piece of Garbage”

Philip J Fry: I love symposia!


16. 1ACV04: “Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Man: Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?Amy Wong: Nope, he said they’re stupid.Man: Cool!


17. 1ACV04: “Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Philip J Fry: The planet’s kerploding!


18. 1ACV04: “Love’s Labours Lost in Space”

Turanga Leela: You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.Turanga Leela: Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child.Turanga Leela: But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?


19. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

URL: I’m gonna get 24th century on his ass!


20. 7ACV26: “Meanwhile”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: I’ve been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.Philip J Fry: We’ve been right now the whole time!


21. 7ACV08: “Fun on a Bun”

Zapp Brannigan: In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let’s call it a draw.


22. 7ACV03: “Decision 3012”

Petunia: Well, who’d have thunk it. He was born all right, just like he said.


23. 7ACV07: “The Six Million Dollar Mon”

LaBarbara Conrad: You can’t be a husband and father if you don’t have a wife and son.Mecha-Hermes: Wait. I care about you too much to lose you.Mecha-Hermes: But my new robot brain won’t. Commence the operation![gasps]LaBarbara Conrad: Well, you’ll have to commence it without me, Hermes.LaBarbara Conrad: And commence living without me, because I will commence divorce proceedings!LaBarbara Conrad: Oh, I hope to god I’m using that word correctly.


24. 2ACV10: “A Clone of My Own”

Cubert Farnsworth: The engines don’t move the ship at all!Cubert Farnsworth: The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the Universe around it!Bender Bending Rodriguez: That’s a complete load!Cubert Farnsworth: Nothing’s a complete load! Not if you can imagine it!Cubert Farnsworth: That’s what being a scientist is all about!


25. 2ACV15: “The Problem with Popplers”

Zapp Brannigan: These would be great with gwackamole!Lrrr: Stop eating our young! And it’s pronounced ‘guacamole’!


26. 2ACV11: “How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”

Number 1.0: Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.


27. 4ACV01: “Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the Angry Dome!


28. 1ACV03: “I, Roommate”

Philip J Fry: Where’s your bathroom?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Bath-what?Philip J Fry: Bathroom.Bender Bending Rodriguez: What-room?Philip J Fry: Bathroom!Bender Bending Rodriguez: What-what?


29. 1ACV12: “When Aliens Attack”

Philip J Fry: I prefer programs of the genre ‘World’s Blankiest Blank’.WNYW technician: She is wearing the world’s shortiest skirt.Philip J Fry: I’m in!


30. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Turanga Leela: This is officer 1B-DI, requesting backup.


31. 2ACV12: “The Deep South”

Philip J Fry: I can’t swallow that!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Well then, good news! It’s a suppository!


32. 2ACV02: “Brannigan, Begin Again”

Zapp Brannigan: What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power?Zapp Brannigan: Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

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