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WEEKLY WHINE

2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Scientific and Referential Conference

There now follows a ranking of the top 32 lines and exchanges of Futurama in the Scientific and Referential Conference. The top eight items in each conference advance to the championship tournament.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.

1. 3ACV04: “The Luck of the Fryrish”

Announcer: They’re checking the electron microscope. And the winner is...Announcer: ...number three, in a quantum finish!Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

2. 6ACV08: “That Darn Katz!”

Amy Wong: So you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it?!Prof Morris Katz: Welcome to academia.

3. 6ACV02: “In-a-Gadda-da-Leela”

Zapp Brannigan: Magnify that death sphere.Zapp Brannigan: Why’s it still blurry?Kif Kroker: That’s all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn’t make it clearer.Zapp Brannigan: It does on ‘CSI: Miami’!

4. 6ACV16: “Law and Oracle”

URL: Erwin Schrödinger, huh? What’s in the box, Schrödinger?Erwin Schrödinger: Um... a cat, some poison, and a cesium atom.Philip J Fry: The cat! Is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?!URL: Answer him, fool!Erwin Schrödinger: It’s a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wavefunction!

5. 6ACV10: “The Prisoner of Benda”

Amy Wong [in Prof Hubert J Farnsworth’s body]: Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth [in Bender Bending Rodriguez’s body]: I’m not sure. I’m afraid we need to use...Prof Hubert J Farnsworth [in Bender Bending Rodriguez’s body]: ...math!

6. 6ACV20: “Neutopia”

Male Turanga Leela: Thank god most of our fans are huge perverts!

7. 6ACV09: “A Clockwork Origin”

Woman: I don’t understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

8. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Philip J Fry: My god! It’s the future!Philip J Fry: My parents... my coworkers... my girlfriend. I’ll never see any of them again.[pause]Philip J Fry: Yahoo!

9. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Turanga Leela: Well, at least here you’ll be treated with dignity.Turanga Leela: Now strip naked and get on the probulator!

10. 4ACV08: “Crimes of the Hot”

Linda van Schoonhoven: I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.Morbo: Windmills do not work that way!Morbo: Good night!

11. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Philip J Fry: Hurry up! I wanna see the Moon!Turanga Leela: Relax. It’s open till nine.

12. 1ACV02: “The Series Has Landed”

Philip J Fry: That’s not how it happened!Turanga Leela: Oh, really? I don’t see you with a Fungineering degree!

13. 1ACV09: “Hell Is Other Robots”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Come on Universe, you big mostly empty wuss!

14. 6ACV21: “Yo Leela Leela”

Turanga Leela: We all know any TV show that’s even slightly good gets cancelled.Turanga Leela: Sometimes two or three times.

15. 3ACV01: “Amazon Women in the Mood”

Zapp Brannigan: You win again, gravity!

16. 7ACV13: “Naturama”

Narrator: And so, the survival of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.Tortoises: Mama![pause]Narrator: And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.Narrator: Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out.Narrator: For in the end, nature is horrific and teaches us nothing.Narrator: Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea!

17. 7ACV15: “2-D Blacktop”

Hermes Conrad: One more lap!Jibby: Naw, half a lap. You forgot, on a Möbius strip, two laps is one lap.Dr John A Zoidberg: Heh! You kids and your topology!

18. 7ACV23: “Game of Tones”

Fry’s mother: Lots of weird stuff could happen.Seymour: Philip, have you lost weight?

19. 7ACV15: “2-D Blacktop”

Philip J Fry: Look, up there! There’s some up!

20. 1ACV01: “Space Pilot 3000”

Suicide booth: You are now dead.Suicide booth: Thank you for using Stop-n-Drop, America’s favorite suicide booth since 2008.

21. 6ACV26: “Reincarnation”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal.Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Hooray!

22. 3ACV19: “Roswell That Ends Well”

Turanga Leela: Why is there so little traffic around Earth?Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: And what’s this layer of ozone? That’s never been there before.

23. 4ACV08: “Crimes of the Hot”

Narrator: You’re probably wondering why your ice cream went away.Narrator: Well, Susie, the culprit isn’t foreigners, it’s global warming!Susie: Gwubbuh wubbah?Narrator: Y... yeah.

24. 4ACV12: “The Sting”

Philip J Fry: How big is the honeycomb?Hermes Conrad: Honeycomb’s big. Yeah yeah yeah.Bender Bending Rodriguez: It’s not small?Hermes Conrad: No no no!

25. 4ACV08: “Crimes of the Hot”

Civil Defense Van: Calling all scientists, calling all scientists.Civil Defense Van: Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.Man: I’ve got a degree in homeopathic medicine!Civil Defense Van: You’ve got a degree in baloney!

26. 6ACV24: “Cold Warriors”

Buzz Aldrin: Wow, I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon men![pause]Buzz Aldrin: But seriously, there are Moon men.

27. 6ACV16: “Law and Oracle”

Philip J Fry: Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light!URL: That’s a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby!

28. 4ACV03: “Love and Rocket”

Lrrr: Why does Ross, the largest Friend, not simply eat the other five?Ndnd: Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

29. 4ACV16: “Three Hundred Big Boys”

Richard Nixon’s head: The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire!

30. 4ACV11: “Where No Fan Has Gone Before”

Bender Bending Rodriguez: Uh, can people who hate ‘Star Trek’ leave?Walter Koenig: Good question.

31. 4ACV13: “Bend Her”

Humorbot 5.0: Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

32. 3ACV19: “Roswell That Ends Well”

President Harry S Truman: I want this sent to Area 51 for study.General: But sir, that’s where we’re building the fake Moon landing set.President Harry S Truman: Then we’ll have to really land on the Moon.President Harry S Truman: Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

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