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2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Social Commentary Conference

There now follows a ranking of the top 32 lines and exchanges of Futurama in the Social Commentary Conference. The top eight items in each conference advance to the championship tournament.

Images are provided courtesy Morbotron.

1. 6ACV03: “Attack of the Killer App”

Salesman: Okay, it’s five hundred dollars, you have no choice of carrier...Salesman: ...the battery can’t hold a charge, and the reception isn’t very –Philip J Fry: Shut up and take my money!

2. 6ACV04: “Proposition Infinity”

Actor: If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children.Actor: Then imagine we said those things, since we couldn’t think of any.

3. 3ACV17: “A Pharaoh to Remember”

Philip J Fry: Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.Osiran: That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.Philip J Fry: I knew it! Insane theories one, regular theories a billion!

4. 3ACV20: “Godfellas”

Philip J Fry: Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend?Father Changstein El-Gamal: Well, we could join together in prayer.Philip J Fry: Uh huh. But is there anything useful we can do?Father Changstein El-Gamal: No.

5. 3ACV07: “The Day the Earth Stood Stupid”

Turanga Leela: So how did the Universe begin?Lord Nibbler: [chattering]Turanga Leela: Then the meaning of existence...Lord Nibbler: [chattering]Turanga Leela: So every religion is wrong!

6. 7ACV03: “Decision 3012”

Morbo: Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year.

7. 7ACV02: “A Farewell to Arms”

Hermes Conrad: My god! One of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true!

8. 7ACV13: “Naturama”

Narrator: Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.

9. 7ACV03: “Decision 3012”

Sen Chris Travers: What would it take to convince you people?Sen Chris Travers: Would I have to have been born right before your eyes?Sal: It wouldn’t hurts.

10. 7ACV15: “2-D Blacktop”

King of Flatbush: He’s opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

11. 4ACV08: “Crimes of the Hot”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

12. 3ACV14: “Time Keeps On Slippin’”

Linda van Schoonhoven: Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at eleven.Linda van Schoonhoven: This is the news at eleven. The mysterious and unexplained –Linda van Schoonhoven: Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest –Linda van Schoonhoven: – won three Grammys last night –Linda van Schoonhoven: – found dead in her bathtub.

13. 3ACV03: “A Tale of Two Santas”

Mayor C Randall Poopenmeyer: My god! The real Santa! Get him, Jesus!Dr John A Zoidberg: I help those who help themselves!

14. 3ACV12: “The Route of All Evil”

Dwight Conrad: We’re practically old enough to find the Fox network infantile!

15. 3ACV15: “I Dated a Robot”

Jeff Jervis: The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people’s ideas!

16. 3ACV08: “That’s Lobstertainment!”

Turanga Leela: It’s some kind of hollow tube, devoid of human life.Turanga Leela: The Los Angeles subway!

17. 3ACV05: “The Birdbot of Ice-catraz”

Turanga Leela: I’m sorry, but if it’s fun in any way, it’s not environmentalism.Free Waterfall Sr: Oh really? How ’bout blowing up dams?Turanga Leela: Yeah, that is fun.

18. 3ACV18: “Anthology of Interest II”

Turanga Leela: Oh my god! He ate Fry! Fry is dead!Philip J Fry: It’s okay. I had another guy.

19. 3ACV04: “The Luck of the Fryrish”

Fry’s mother: I’ll never forget the day Philip disappeared.Fry’s mother: Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl 17-9!

20. 3ACV18: “Anthology of Interest II”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: You don’t need courage. After all, who needs courage when you have a gun?

21. 2ACV16: “Anthology of Interest I”

Al Gore: I’m Al Gore, and these are my Vice Presidential Action Rangers.Al Gore: A group of top nerds...Al Gore: ...whose sole duty it is to prevent disruptions in the spacetime continuum.Philip J Fry: I thought your duty was to cast the tiebreaking vote in the Senate.Al Gore: That, and protect the spacetime continuum. Read the Constitution!

22. 2ACV09: “A Bicyclops Built for Two”

Philip J Fry: Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m bored with sex.Philip J Fry: Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?Bender Bending Rodriguez: Is the Space Pope reptilian?

23. 6ACV03: “Attack of the Killer App”

Philip J Fry: Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy?Bender Bending Rodriguez: August 6, 1991.

24. 7ACV15: “2-D Blacktop”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Your mouth just wrote a Paypal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

25. 3ACV10: “Where the Buggalo Roam”

Leo Wong: We own entire western hemisphere. That the best hemisphere.Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: It’s the same on Earth.

26. 3ACV16: “A Leela of Her Own”

Prof Hubert J Farnsworth: Why is your number 7/8?Turanga Leela: All the whole numbers have been retired.Philip J Fry: Wow! I must say, I’m impressed. You look just like a ball player.Philip J Fry: Can I pat you on the butt?Turanga Leela: Fry! I’m a professional athlete. So go ahead.Philip J Fry: Oh, now I’m too nervous!

27. 3ACV17: “A Pharaoh to Remember”

High priest: Great wall of prophecy, reveal to us god’s will that we may blindly obey.Priests: Free us from thought and responsibility.High priest: We shall read things off you.Priests: Then do them.High priest: Your words guide us.Priests: We’re dumb.

28. 6ACV17: “Benderama”

Morbo: Our top story: All alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.Morbo: Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda?Linda van Schoonhoven: I can no longer face my children!

29. 6ACV12: “The Mutants Are Revolting”

Mutated Mark Mothersbaugh: Hello Sewer City! As longtime mutants ourselves...Mutated Mark Mothersbaugh: ...we support your righteous struggle, and we’ll do anything we can for you!Dwayne: Play ‘Whip It’!Mutated Mark Mothersbaugh: No.

30. 6ACV02: “In-a-Gadda-da-Leela”

Zapp Brannigan: And we’ll beget little Zapp Junior and Leela Junior, and they’ll have kids of their ow–Zapp Brannigan: Yecch! Is that what really happened in the Bible?Turanga Leela: It’s a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

31. 5ACV02: Bender’s Big Score part two

Al Gore: Dang! That hundred dollars could have bought me...Al Gore: gallon of gas!

32. 5ACV02: Bender’s Big Score part two

Nudar: Now that I’m rich, I suddenly care if the Universe gets destroyed.