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WEEKLY WHINE

2019 GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship: Results

Here are the results of the first GoobNet Futurama Dialogue Championship, determining Futurama’s best dialogue of all time. The tournament was an exciting event from start to finish, and the fans at each host venue were treated to action packed matchups throughout. The hosts, selected from amongst prominent locations in Futurama, included the Neutral Planet, robot homeworld Chapek 9, Decapodian homeworld Decapod 10, and Mars for the regional semifinals and finals. The final two rounds were hosted by the sewers of New New York City.

We saw some shocks in the first few rounds. Philip J Fry’s realisation that he was in the future and his fifteenth seeded response made a run to the Sexful Sixteen, but shortly after arriving at the Neutral Planet Regional, it then had to hear how its run ended. Other first round upsets included “If I don’t survive, tell my wife: Hello”, also in the Neutral Planet Region, and “I refuse to believe anyone is happy!” in the Decapod 10 Region.

But in general, many of the projections by our range of pundits were accurate. Only four items from the two conferences considered weakest, the Bender Bending Rodriguez Conference and the Turanga Leela Conference, even managed to survive the first round. By the time we reached the Eviler Eight, only fourth seeds and higher remained, including three of the four top seeds. The Chapek 9 Regional Final, for instance, paired up two popular memes from the sixth production season in an epic contest. Every person in attendance clearly got his, her, or shkler money’s worth.

When we arrived at the New New York sewers for the Futuristic Four, the Putdowns and Stupidness Conference was represented by two items. One of them, Leela’s infamous putdown “You’ll be back to zero soon enough”, was no match for Prof Hubert J Farnsworth’s outraged cry at the quantum finish. The other, a pretournament favourite for many, was also eliminated.

In the end, though, there was only ever going to be one champion. It had earned the top overall seed out of the Wordplay and Linguistics Conference for a reason. It perfectly encapsulated Philip J Fry’s childlike glee at finding himself in the future and his excitement at the strange and unique wonders found therein. It served as the ideal retort to all those who want the same thing they’ve seen a thousand times before. Most of all, it served as a mission statement for Futurama as a whole.

Therefore, let us congratulate “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!”, our very first Futurama Dialogue Champion. In addition, please join us in thanking all of our host venues and all of the volunteers who played their part in making this tournament a success. Please be sure to watch out for the beige alert, which will indicate when our next Futurama Dialogue Championship will commence.

NEUTRAL PLANET REGIONAL

OSIRIS 4 SECTIONAL

01. “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!” [WLC; 3ACV09]

05. “Insane theories one, regular theories a billion!” [SCC; 3ACV17]

01. “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!” [WLC; 3ACV09]

03. “I want to hear how it ends.” [TLC; 4ACV18]

01. “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!” [WLC; 3ACV09]

16. “Me? Award? Him? Me? Good?” [TLC; 3ACV07]

01. “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!” [WLC; 3ACV09]

09. “So every religion is wrong!” [SCC; 3ACV07]

08. “The cat! Is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?!” [SRC; 6ACV16]

09. “So every religion is wrong!” [SCC; 3ACV07]

04. “You were in a zoo!” [BBRC; 7ACV17]

13. “If I don’t survive, tell my wife: Hello.” [WLC; 2ACV02]

13. “If I don’t survive, tell my wife: Hello.” [WLC; 2ACV02]

05. “Insane theories one, regular theories a billion!” [SCC; 3ACV17]

05. “Insane theories one, regular theories a billion!” [SCC; 3ACV17]

12. “And I say your three cent titanium tax doesn’t go too far enough!” [WLC; 2ACV03]

OMICRON PERSEI 8 SECTIONAL

15. “Yahoo!” [SRC; 1ACV01]

03. “I want to hear how it ends.” [TLC; 4ACV18]

02. “I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence.” [TLC; 4ACV04]

15. “Yahoo!” [SRC; 1ACV01]

15. “Yahoo!” [SRC; 1ACV01]

07. “I don’t have any godda-[bzzt] motherf-[bzzt] anger issues!” [TLC; 5ACV09]

07. “I don’t have any godda-[bzzt] motherf-[bzzt] anger issues!” [TLC; 5ACV09]

10. “We’ll meet you tonight for part of dinner and the first half of a movie.” [TLC; 3ACV01]

03. “I want to hear how it ends.” [TLC; 4ACV18]

14. “Nope!” [PSC; 4ACV10]

03. “I want to hear how it ends.” [TLC; 4ACV18]

06. “It does on ‘CSI: Miami’!” [SRC; 6ACV02]

06. “It does on ‘CSI: Miami’!” [SRC; 6ACV02]

11. “Leela, you’re 999,999 in a million.” [TLC; 3ACV09]

CHAPEK 9 REGIONAL

ETERNIUM SECTIONAL

01. “I’ll go build my own lunar lander! With blackjack! And hookers!” [BBRC; 1ACV02]

04. “I don’t want to live on this planet any more!” [PSC; 6ACV09]

04. “I don’t want to live on this planet any more!” [PSC; 6ACV09]

02. “Shut up and take my money!” [SCC; 6ACV03]

01. “I’ll go build my own lunar lander! With blackjack! And hookers!” [BBRC; 1ACV02]

16. “I always thought by this point in my life, I’d be the one making the crank calls!” [PJFC; 1ACV01]

01. “I’ll go build my own lunar lander! With blackjack! And hookers!” [BBRC; 1ACV02]

08. “No, not the explosion!” [PJFC; 3ACV14]

08. “No, not the explosion!” [PJFC; 3ACV14]

09. “You know the answer, you scurvy bastard.” [BBRC; 7ACV21]

04. “I don’t want to live on this planet any more!” [PSC; 6ACV09]

13. “I don’t like the font.” [MARC; 3ACV08]

04. “I don’t want to live on this planet any more!” [PSC; 6ACV09]

05. “...For the love of god, don’t not do it!” [MARC; 3ACV19]

05. “...For the love of god, don’t not do it!” [MARC; 3ACV19]

12. “Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3012th debate of the 3012 election year.” [SCC; 7ACV03]

SPHERON 1 SECTIONAL

02. “Shut up and take my money!” [SCC; 6ACV03]

03. “All glory to the Hypnotoad.” [MARC; 3ACV07]

02. “Shut up and take my money!” [SCC; 6ACV03]

15. “When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.” [MARC; 3ACV20]

02. “Shut up and take my money!” [SCC; 6ACV03]

10. “That’s not something I would know.” [PSC; 7ACV24]

07. “I never even knew you had an ass.” [BBRC; 7ACV21]

10. “That’s not something I would know.” [PSC; 7ACV24]

03. “All glory to the Hypnotoad.” [MARC; 3ACV07]

14. “But what is it really?” [PJFC; 1ACV13]

03. “All glory to the Hypnotoad.” [MARC; 3ACV07]

06. “Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape!” [PJFC; 3ACV04]

06. “Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape!” [PJFC; 3ACV04]

11. “Help me, Leela!” [PJFC; 1ACV02]

DECAPOD 10 REGIONAL

WORMULON SECTIONAL

01. “No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!” [SRC; 3ACV04]

05. “No one’s saying that. But I’m certainly thinking it loudly.” [WLC; 4ACV12]

01. “No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!” [SRC; 3ACV04]

02. “...And my mouth feels like it’s stuffed with peanut butter, even when it’s not.” [PJFC; 3ACV02]

01. “No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!” [SRC; 3ACV04]

16. “The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot!” [BBRC; 2ACV14]

01. “No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!” [SRC; 3ACV04]

09. “I’m scaroused!” [WLC; 6ACV22]

08. “But that’s not revelant!” [WLC; 6ACV08]

09. “I’m scaroused!” [WLC; 6ACV22]

04. “Then imagine we said those things, since we couldn’t think of any.” [SCC; 6ACV04]

13. “I don’t understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!” [SRC; 6ACV09]

04. “Then imagine we said those things, since we couldn’t think of any.” [SCC; 6ACV04]

05. “No one’s saying that. But I’m certainly thinking it loudly.” [WLC; 4ACV12]

05. “No one’s saying that. But I’m certainly thinking it loudly.” [WLC; 4ACV12]

12. “Thank god most of our fans are huge perverts!” [SRC; 6ACV20]

AMAZONIA SECTIONAL

02. “...And my mouth feels like it’s stuffed with peanut butter, even when it’s not.” [PJFC; 3ACV02]

03. “Do I, Philip J Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?” [PJFC; 7ACV26]

02. “...And my mouth feels like it’s stuffed with peanut butter, even when it’s not.” [PJFC; 3ACV02]

15. “You know! A headache, with pictures!” [PSC; 4ACV05]

02. “...And my mouth feels like it’s stuffed with peanut butter, even when it’s not.” [PJFC; 3ACV02]

07. “Oh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr I’m-My-Own-Grandpa!” [PSC; 3ACV19]

07. “Oh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr I’m-My-Own-Grandpa!” [PSC; 3ACV19]

10. “We’re talking about lots of stuff!” [MARC; 6ACV04]

03. “Do I, Philip J Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?” [PJFC; 7ACV26]

14. “Bender, this is Fry’s decision. And he made it wrong.” [TLC; 3ACV15]

03. “Do I, Philip J Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?” [PJFC; 7ACV26]

11. “I refuse to believe anyone is happy!” [MARC; 6ACV14]

06. “I keep telling you, we didn’t grow up together!” [BBRC; 7ACV22]

11. “I refuse to believe anyone is happy!” [MARC; 6ACV14]

MARS REGIONAL

AMPHIBIOS 9 SECTIONAL

01. “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.” [PSC; 2ACV07]

04. “Welcome to academia.” [SRC; 6ACV08]

01. “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.” [PSC; 2ACV07]

03. “Full power to the vagyroscope!” [WLC; 5ACV14]

01. “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.” [PSC; 2ACV07]

16. “I’m sciencing as fast as I can!” [WLC; 5ACV01]

01. “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.” [PSC; 2ACV07]

09. “I’m afraid we need to use... math!” [SRC; 6ACV10]

08. “...Everyone’s titty much protally fitshaced.” [MARC; 6ACV17]

09. “I’m afraid we need to use... math!” [SRC; 6ACV10]

04. “Welcome to academia.” [SRC; 6ACV08]

13. “My little meatbag’s growing up!” [BBRC; 7ACV26]

04. “Welcome to academia.” [SRC; 6ACV08]

05. “That’s the only thing about being a slave.” [PSC; 3ACV17]

05. “That’s the only thing about being a slave.” [PSC; 3ACV17]

12. “...You can work and be lazy at the same time. It’s like being a voice actor!” [BBRC; 7ACV06]

RUMBLEDY-HUMP SECTIONAL

07. “But is there anything useful we can do?” [SCC; 3ACV20]

03. “Full power to the vagyroscope!” [WLC; 5ACV14]

02. “Stop the end of the world sex!” [MARC; 7ACV02]

15. “Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.” [SCC; 7ACV13]

02. “Stop the end of the world sex!” [MARC; 7ACV02]

07. “But is there anything useful we can do?” [SCC; 3ACV20]

07. “But is there anything useful we can do?” [SCC; 3ACV20]

10. “I mean, eviler.” [PJFC; 1ACV05]

03. “Full power to the vagyroscope!” [WLC; 5ACV14]

14. “One of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true!” [SCC; 7ACV02]

03. “Full power to the vagyroscope!” [WLC; 5ACV14]

06. “Wanna go around again?” [TLC; 7ACV26]

06. “Wanna go around again?” [TLC; 7ACV26]

11. “Is that blimp accurate?” [PSC; 1ACV01]

SEWER FINAL ROUNDS

01. “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!” [WLC; 3ACV09]

04. “I don’t want to live on this planet any more!” [PSC; 6ACV09]

01. “But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!” [WLC; 3ACV09]

01. “No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!” [SRC; 3ACV04]

01. “No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!” [SRC; 3ACV04]

01. “You’ll be back to zero soon enough.” [PSC; 2ACV07]

CHAMPION

1. 3ACV09: “The Cyber House Rules”

Turanga Leela: But for once in my life, I just want to look normal.Philip J Fry: But you’re better than normal! You’re abnormal!

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