WEEKLY WHINE

The Little Girl Math Hour

2007 was a year.

That’s pretty much the best we can say about it. After all, this year saw an opposition Congress take control in the United States and promptly get emasculated time and time again. We discovered that an NBA referee was apparently involved with organised crime and fixed games. Wildfires hit Greece and southern California, an aircraft accidentally flew nuclear weapons across the US, television writers went on strike, and people obsessed over the iPhone and the last Harry Potter book. We here at GoobNet, though, are willing to attempt to find good things that happened this year.

Note: 2007 is probably not done yet. But if you think something historic is going to happen in these last few days of the year, you are clearly familiar with Murphy’s Law.

GOOBNET 2007 REVIEW COMMITTEE MEMBERS

• Deb Harratsch, GoobNet managing editor
• Amber Lynn, junior contributor
• Edvard van de Kamp, former dynamite eater
• Rich Stencove, chair, GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED]

Best Event

Al GORE and the IPCC winning the Nobel Peace Prize, Oslo, Norway

Rich says: Leaders are finally starting to take not only climate change, but its inevitable geopolitical consequences, seriously. The selection of Al and the IPCC says to the world that we have got to get our shit together and start doing something effective. Hopefully, the next president of the US will act as the lead shit getter-together.

Worst Event

Mooninite panic, Boston, MA, USA

Amber Lynn says: Hey, look at that! It’s a Lite Brite showing a picture of one of those aliens from Aqua Teen Hunger Force! It must be a bomb! People are so stupid.

Silliest Event

Release of Halo 3, Earth

Rich says: This game sold US$170,000,000 in the first 24 hours. That’s a record, not only for video games but for any sort of entertainment. Imagine what would have happened had it been available on platforms other than the Xbox 360.

Best Comet

17P/Holmes

Edvard says: Comet 17P/Holmes had an unscheduled outburst on TUE 23-WED 24 OCT 2007, increasing by 14 magnitudes in just a couple of days. It was likely due to a buildup of pressure in its interior when it approached the Sun; regardless of the reason, it was the best cometary performance in the last twenty years.

Best Film

None

Edvard says: No films met the required standard to qualify for this award this year. Wait, does Bender’s Big Score count?

Rich says: No, it wasn’t a theatrical release.

Edvard says: Then, yeah, no films met the required standard.

Worst Film

Bratz, United States

Rich says: Hollywood is rapidly running out of ideas if they expect people to go see a film based on dolls.

Most Overhyped Day

SAT 21 JUL 2007

Amber Lynn says: The last Harry Potter book came out, and Dave Beckham played his first match for the Galaxy. Neither of these events were anywhere near as important, or as interesting, as they were made out to be.

Bob Barker Award for Game Show Spectacularity

Grand Slam, United States

Deb says: Fast paced, challenging, and engaging, this was GSN’s best original programme ever, and it still would have been even if they hadn’t invited back famous game show players like Ken Jennings, Nancy Christy, and John Carpenter. The revelation, though, was Ogi Ogas, the neurologist who delivered the immortal line “Brad does math like a little girl“. Honourable mention to Power of 10, the American survey prediction game, and Golden Balls, the British pseudo-poker game.

Worst New Game Show

Set for Life, United States

Deb says: ABC eventually redeemed themselves with Duel, but between this and National Bingo Night, ABC had a rotten summer. Set for Life was an unimaginative Deal or No Deal clone that only added one interesting innovation: the “guardian angel” whose job is supposed to be to prevent the contestant from going overboard. And even that innovation was executed poorly, with a horribly slow reveal after the game ends. Dishonourable mention to the aforementioned National Bingo Night, which at least allowed home viewers to play along.

Chris Farley Memorial ‘Lah-Dee-Freakin-Dah’ Award for Excellence in Irrelevance

Tila NGUYEN, United States

Deb says: Better known as Tila Tequila, the person who has a couple million friends on Myspace, this talentless hack is trying to do it all. She has a clothing line, a surreality programme, and some songs that are not all that great. If you don’t know who she is, you’re lucky.

Eddie Murphy Award for the Funniest Creepy Scandal, or the Creepiest Funny Scandal

One Way Mirrorgate, Women’s World Cup

Amber Lynn says: The Danish women’s side were preparing to hold a team meeting in a conference room in their hotel when they found these two guys with cameras behind a one way mirror. If I was playing on that team, I would definitely be weirded out. And to make matters worse, Denmark coach Kenneth Heiner-Møller was suspended for two matches after an altercation with China PR’s coaching staff and the referee at that match.

Jonathan Weed Award for Characters Taken From Us Too Soon

Ali G, United Kingdom, and Borat SAGDIYEV, Kazakhstan

Edvard says: Sooner or later, we will probably have to add Bruno, the reporter from Austria’s Gay TV, to this list. In the meantime, let’s big it up for the glorious careers of Ali G and Borat, who have interviewed such notables as Dave and Vickie Beckham, Boutros Boutros Ghali, and Veteran Feminists of America. They make great success.