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WEEKLY WHINE

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THE WRONGEST PENALTY IN THE HISTORY OF WRONGNESS

“In a tournament that set a record with twelve own goals, one of them in the final, how can we decide who receives the coveted Jeff Agoos ¡Autogolazo! Award?” Take to the streets in outrage that your favoured candidate did not receive the Golden Blindfold in The Wrongest Penalty in the History of Wrongness.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Review committee

DISTRACTION

“We hope these will help you through the next 3.96 years of being forgotten about again.” Do your best to retain the knowledge that curling is in fact a sport that exists, even in the face of constant Distraction.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Winter Olympics, Review committee

SILENCE BROKEN

“We would say that Earth is saying that enough is enough, but really, this is a case of Earth saying that way, way, way too much is enough.” Put your foot down in Silence Broken.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

NO NEED TO ASK LARRY

“We are, of course, using the word enjoy sarcastically.” Know that we totally didn’t mean anything we said in No Need to Ask Larry.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

I TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION

“And after that, it must figure out what it is going to do with Dilma Rousseff.” Discover a solution better than “change the colour of her diving pool” in I Take My Clothes Off in Your General Direction.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics, Review committee

ATTACK EYEBROWS ARE IN PLACE

“When people begin to describe you with the phrase ‘out-crazied by Donald Trump’, it might be time to reexamine your life.” See whose escalators aren’t going all the way to the penthouse suite in Attack Eyebrows Are In Place.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

ENGAGE PARTY YEAR SELECTION MODE

“Well, you’re right.” Totally see that one coming in Engage Party Year Selection Mode.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup, Review committee

THE THEORY OF THE PRICE OF 99 LEAD HARPOONS

“You understand everything.” Explain to us the appeal of a live television broadcast of a musical in The Theory of the Price of 99 Lead Harpoons.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

ELEVEN GOALKEEPERS WITH IMMOBILE FROS

“You have not lived until you have heard Brazilian commentators try to pronounce ‘Schweinsteiger’.” Live in Eleven Goalkeepers with Immobile Fros.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Review committee

CHEETAHS, VIOLINS, AND SANDWICHES

“Yes, that is how international sport works.” Feel relieved that we don’t need to bring out the diagramme of Sepp Blatter’s brain in Cheetahs, Violins, and Sandwiches.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Winter Olympics, Review committee

THE MOMENT ARRIVES

“We are pleased to announce our first Meteor of the Year winner since 1987, when we recognised the meteor from Maniac Mansion.” Don’t be a tuna head in The Moment Arrives.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

PARTIAL RECALL OF 2012

“Any damn fool can land on Mars with a huge wad of bounding air bags.” Become familiar with the type of damn fool that made a successful landing in Partial Recall of 2012.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

GOSH, THAT WANG IS XL

“So I guess you could call this a catastro-Feck-up.” Come to the conclusion that we are making no Fecking sense as you discover that Gosh, That Wang is XL.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics, Review committee

JUST MAKE THE CALL ALREADY

“Here’s how to send 2012 a letter.” See what your future self will think of your past self in Just Make the Call Already.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

COMMENCE BASKING IMMEDIATELY

“Didn’t think we’d go that way, did you?” Determine your disappointment in our directional decisions in Commence Basking Immediately.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup, Review committee

SLIPPERY WHEN AWESOME

“I’m gonna start a band called Embarrassingly Awesome.” See their opening act, Nekkid Gra–What?!, in Slippery When Awesome.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

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