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WEEKLY WHINE >> 2011

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JUST MAKE THE CALL ALREADY

“Here’s how to send 2012 a letter.” See what your future self will think of your past self in Just Make the Call Already.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

COLLEGIATE MEN’S BASKETBALL: ARRRGH!

“The tournament then proceeds much as the present NCAA DI championship tournament, with the added benefit that we have finally eliminated those annoying ‘play in’ games.” Confront your fear of the Bulldogs of the University of North Carolina at Asheville in Collegiate Men’s Basketball: ARRRGH!.

Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Support, ARRRGH, Basketball

VETOED TRADES STUMP EDVARD

“I cannot comment on that, as your team did not give me permission to speak with you.” See why nobody cares if we here at GoobNet are tampering in Vetoed Trades Stump Edvard.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Edvard, Basketball, NBA, Stump Edvard

OCCUPY YOUR TEAM’S STADIUM

“This offseason, fans are excited not about a new signing or a big trade, but about the cartoon oriole returning to the team’s cap.” Fix the world, one league at a time, in Occupy Your Team’s Stadium.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED

THE LATEST FROM EARTH

“You could run away from the world and become a hermit.” Determine whether hermits have good Internet connections in The Latest from Earth.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

THE GOOBNET LOS ANGELES FREEWAY QUIZ

“Here is your opportunity to find out.” Take the GoobNet Los Angeles Freeway Quiz in The GoobNet Los Angeles Freeway Quiz.

Keywords: Community, Interactive

THIS PAGE WILL TAKE ONE SECOND MORE THAN NORMAL

“And anyway, somebody else wrote that one.” Rest assured that it’s totally not our fault in This Page Will Take One Second More than Normal.

Keywords: Variety, Vox pops

JOIN THE JOYOUS METRO CONQUERORS

“This is the shortest line and was never actually built.” Find out when a subway is not a subway in Join the Joyous Metro Conquerors.

Keywords: Variety, Transit

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BEAGLES?

“I’m so against health care, I cheat on my wife when she’s in the hospital!” See if he got better in Are You Ready For Some Beagles?.

Keywords: Variety, Halloween

THE ELEMENTS OF YOUR LIFE

“It will blow your mind, and improve your teeth.” See what those teeth in ancient times did in The Elements of Your Life.

Keywords: Community, Mailbox, Chemistry

FASTEST FINGER FEST: PERIODIC TABLE EDITION

“Do you have a body? If you do, it is made up of atoms.” See if your body works automatically or atomatically in Fastest Finger Fest: Periodic Table Edition.

Keywords: Community, Interactive, Fastest Finger Fest, Chemistry

WHAT’S YOUR ELEMENT?

“Know any good hydrogen atoms who could join us?” See who is available for a covalency call in What’s Your Element?.

Keywords: Community, Interactive, Cosmo quiz, Chemistry

THE GOOBNET ELEMENT QUIZ

“If you aren’t keeping up with it, your body could be comprised of obsolete elements like beryllium.” Initiate a major campaign to replace all your beryllium with magnesium in The GoobNet Element Quiz.

Keywords: Community, Interactive, Chemistry

STEP AWAY FROM THE BALLOON

“Surely that’s worth more to you than seven US bucks per kilogram.” See why an indium I beam is better than a stack of indium sheets in Step Away from the Balloon.

Keywords: Variety, Chemistry

OVER THE SHOES

“If you live on a planet that is inhabited by humans, it is even more annoying.” See what Oberon has to offer in Over the Shoes.

Keywords: Support, Misfortune Cookies

SUBJUNCTIVITIS

“Wish who were here? Al Gore and who else?” Watch for obnoxious robots in Subjunctivitis.

Keywords: Support, Grammar

SEMICOLON TRAIN REMAINS INACTIVE

“Want to visit City Hall, Grand Central, and Pelham Bay Park?” Determine whether you should get off at Spring St in Semicolon Train Remains Inactive.

Keywords: Variety, Transit

KEEPING UP WITH THE CLIPPERS

“Some teams have even had multiple home cities in the same season; you must find all of those cities for each team.” See if your geographic skills are good enough in Keeping Up with the Clippers.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Interactive, Basketball

INCREASED ARRRGH! IN COLLEGIATE AMERICAN FOOTBALL

“These and many other thrilling moments will be yours to see, if the price is right.” Be sure to avoid a double overbid in Increased ARRRGH! in Collegiate American Football.

Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Support, ARRRGH, American football

FAR FROM UNLIKELY

“Eight European nations were selected randomly for our team of prognosticators.” See who is going to stop Aberystwyth Town [everyone] in Far from Unlikely.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, UEFA, Prediction

STUMP EDVARD WITH ANTIMATTER

“Because you know that’s exactly what they want to do.” Having already determined what the enemy wants to do, determine who the enemy is in Stump Edvard with Antimatter.

Keywords: Space, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard, Physics, Antimatter

WE’LL TELL YOU HOW TO KICK OFF

“Now that FIFA have finally increased the number of international match dates, this format actually makes sense.” Get swindled into agreeing with Sepp Blatter in We’ll Tell You How to Kick Off.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup

THINGS ARE CURRENTLY NOT ALL THAT PLEASANT

“You will also find exclusive Internet only features about each of these stories on our Twitter account.” See why we never have more than 140 characters to say about anything in Things Are Currently Not All That Pleasant.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

COMMENCE BASKING IMMEDIATELY

“Didn’t think we’d go that way, did you?” Determine your disappointment in our directional decisions in Commence Basking Immediately.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup, Review committee

SCHMILBLICK PATROL: GYOENGYI GAAL

“How do we know that you’re not the evil twin?” Understand the beeps in Schmilblick Patrol: Gyoengyi Gaal.

Keywords: Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Sport, Football, Women’s World Cup

DO NOT PACK IT WITH YOUR KNIVES

“Have you any idea how inefficient that is?” Determine the optimal way to allocate people to their desired locations in Do Not Pack It With Your Knives.

Keywords: Community, Sport, SHAGADELIC, Football, Women’s World Cup

YES, YOUR OUTFIT IS CAUSING IT

“The team need only be issued with cigarettes and bérets to complete the stereotype.” Avoid getting sweat on your sweatsuit in Yes, Your Outfit Is Causing It.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup, Sport uniforms

RISING EXCITEMENT, FALLING CONSCRIPTION

“What better way to celebrate the end of the German draft?” Hope that German lager is not also ending in Rising Excitement, Falling Conscription.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup

ANOTHER CHANCE FOR BASEBALL TO ARRRGH!

“Actually, that’s good advice for all teams: Don’t complain about the schedule.” Take our advice with the entire container of salt in Another Chance for Baseball to ARRRGH!.

Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Support, ARRRGH, Baseball, MLB

SCHMILBLICK PATROL: LISLE AUSTIN

“We Dutch don’t take too kindly to that sort of talk about speed skating.” Be aware of which lane you should occupy in Schmilblick Patrol: Lisle Austin.

Keywords: Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Sport, Football

FOR FAIRNESS, FOR HONESTY

“I can’t actually play it, but if I could, I would know how.” See if we are talking about Battleship or Risk in For Fairness, For Honesty.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Football, Edvard

WHAT YOUR BASEBALL TEAM SHOULD WEAR

“However, the black was added just to sell more shit.” See exactly how much shit is the correct amount to sell in What Your Baseball Team Should Wear.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Baseball, MLB, Sport uniforms

FASTEST FINGER FEST: SPACE EDITION

“You would not have a Dustbuster, Tang, or Velcro were it not for space travel.” Measure your finger speed in microgravity in Fastest Finger Fest: Space Edition.

Keywords: Community, Space, Interactive, Game shows, Fastest Finger Fest

HAS YOUR FRAME BEEN DRAGGED?

“Last week, we were all witnesses to the massive announcement that the data from NASA spacecraft Gravity Probe B confirms two key predictions of general relativity theory.” See if your orbit has precessed less than you anticipated in Has Your Frame Been Dragged?.

Keywords: Space, Support, SPLUT

PUBLIC PRIVACY

“You should swim only in designated swimming places, like pools and holes.” Put safety first in Public Privacy.

Keywords: Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes

THE GOOBNET SPEED FIXES LOS ANGELES TRAFFIC

“What’s my budget for this task?” Confirm that we always have awesome solutions for everything that will always work as long as someone fronts the money in The GoobNet SPEED Fixes Los Angeles Traffic.

Keywords: Support, SPEED

TRAFFIC DOESN’T STUMP EDVARD

“It couldn’t be any more convenient for you.” Receive free gifts in Traffic Doesn’t Stump Edvard.

Keywords: Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard

LOOK FORWARD TO THE BACK COLLAR

“Nobody knows quite how this came about or why this is popular all of a sudden, but it is.” Explain the unexplainable in Look Forward to the Back Collar.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Sport, Sport uniforms, Football, MLS, Basketball, NBA, Baseball, MLB, American football, NFL

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTES FOR APR 2011

“Which element, if removed from Earth, would cause the most disruption without resulting in the extinction of humanity?” Find out if we really do need our lithium in Administrative Notes for APR 2011.

Keywords: Support, Administrivia

FOR TETHERBALL ENTHUSIASTS

“There was a real Ichabod Crane?” Count the heads in For Tetherball Enthusiasts.

Keywords: Variety, Whose Line, Debbie

DEBBIE’S GREATEST HITS

“That sort of thing may work for Piers Morgan, but not me.” Enjoy your last opportunity to interact in Debbie’s Greatest Hits.

Keywords: Community, Mailbox, Debbie

2011 GOOBNET BRITISH GAME SHOW CHAMPIONSHIP

“Here are the results of the first GoobNet British Game Show Championship, determining the British game show that best captures the British ideals of testing knowledge and acting in a condescending manner toward those whose knowledge is lacking.” See who will take the next Walk of Shame when we return to the 2011 GoobNet British Game Show Championship.

Keywords: Variety, Tournament, Game shows, United Kingdom, Debbie

INTERACTION: THE PAST

“You can get totally sauced now you haven’t got to prepare for next week.” Retroactively enjoy the weekend that was ahead of us but is now behind us in Interaction: The Past.

Keywords: Novelty, Interaction

THE REPLACEMENT

“The challenge is enormous.” Discover what we will all be witnesses to in The Replacement.

Keywords: Computers, Support, Deep Whine

IT’S A COLLECTIVE BARGAIN!

“And it’s about to get even stranger.” See how much longer Scott Walker can remain anonymous in It’s a Collective Bargain!.

Keywords: Variety, Misfortune Cookies

SURPRISE ME, WATSON

“Of course, it is not just any computer, and they are not just any humans.” See if your signalling device is not just any signalling device in Surprise Me, Watson.

Keywords: Variety, Computers, Game shows

DO NOT FUEL YOUR LIGHTER WITH IT

“Complete this box such that each row, column, and diagonal contains exactly one asterisk.” Figure out where the calculators would go in Do Not Fuel Your Lighter with It.

Keywords: Community, SHAGADELIC, Sport, American football, NFL

NOW ACQUIRING SCHWANK

“We here at GoobNet are pleased to present to you this prediction of the results of the World Group of the 2011 Davis Cup, the 100th edition of the tournament, and of the World Group of the 2011 Fed Cup, the 49th edition.” Welcome a new keyword to the tie in Now Acquiring Schwank.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Tennis, Prediction

WELCOME TO THE PARTY

“So the question is: Have your newspaper horoscopes been wrong this whole time? And the answer is: Who cares?” Determine whether Quaoar is rising in Ophiuchus in Welcome to the Party.

Keywords: Variety

PLEASE REPORT ALL EXPLODING WHALES

“I heartily recommend creating this article and seeing how long it lasts before Wikipedia undergoes a total existence metacrisis.” Prove that everything we say is a lie – except that – and that – and that – and that – in Please Report All Exploding Whales.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

WE TOO AVOID HEAT’S HOTEL

“You know what you did, basketball.” Determine whether David Stern has any shame in We Too Avoid Heat’s Hotel.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Sport

SLIPPERY WHEN AWESOME

“I’m gonna start a band called Embarrassingly Awesome.” See their opening act, Nekkid Gra–What?!, in Slippery When Awesome.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

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