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WEEKLY WHINE >> 2015

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ATTACK EYEBROWS ARE IN PLACE

“When people begin to describe you with the phrase ‘out-crazied by Donald Trump’, it might be time to reexamine your life.” See whose escalators aren’t going all the way to the penthouse suite in Attack Eyebrows Are In Place.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

STUMP EDVARD REGARDING THE NFL

“But who wouldn’t want to watch an NFL game on a 200 yard field?” Tear down that ugly eyesore of a city hall to make way for a stadium expansion so that you may Stump Edvard Regarding the NFL.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard, American football, NFL

HELP THE 2016 MEN’S EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP

“But that’s totally not the same thing.” Enjoy equality without identicality as you Help the 2016 Men’s European Championship.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, UEFA, Interactive

NOT COUNTING THE D TRAIN

“So famous that they named the park after it.” Be the first in line for Hookers and Blackjack Park, which is Not Counting the D Train.

Keywords: Variety

GOOBNET RESCUES YOUR BRAND

“We have apparently become experts on visual identity.” Ensure that your lockup has sufficient white space in GoobNet Rescues Your Brand.

Keywords: Community, Mailbox, Branding

THE PHILOSORAPTOR HAS NO COMMENT

“Look for GoobNet’s Misfortune Cookies wherever unfortunate snacks and desserts are sold.” Enjoy your tiramediocre in The Philosoraptor Has No Comment.

Keywords: Support, Misfortune Cookies

BOOTS SAVES THE DAY, AS PER USUAL

“My other uterus was vestigial or absent.” Witness the Vagina Monologues take a wrong turn into Boots Saves the Day, As Per Usual.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

THE MIND RACES FOR KETCHUP

“Why did I say Liam?” Guess Rumpelstiltskin in The Mind Races for Ketchup.

Keywords: Variety, Halloween

A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO SCOTLAND

“Way to go.” Agree with everything that Mr Goober says in A Triumphant Return to Scotland.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Scotland, Sport uniforms

LET’S READ A FINITE NUMBER OF WORDS

“Done!” Receive a high five for expressing yourself in Let’s Read a Finite Number of Words.

Keywords: Mathematics, Community, Mailbox

FASTEST FINGER FEST: FILMOGRAPHY EDITION

“There have been a great many films over the last century.” Wonder why Robert Rodriguez is nowhere to be found in Fastest Finger Fest: Filmography Edition.

Keywords: Community, Film, Interactive, Fastest Finger Fest

CANDIDATES TALK ABOUT CANDIDACY

“For sheer silliness, one must turn to the Republican and Democratic Parties.” Vote against everything the other guy stands for in Candidates Talk About Candidacy.

Keywords: Support, Politics, SPLUT

THE IMPORTANCE OF VISUAL IDENTITY

“And yet, somehow, life would go on.” Eradicate horizontal cuts and weird bread in The Importance of Visual Identity.

Keywords: Community, Branding

GOOBNET WELCOMES YOU TO THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE

“This time slot is used only twice this year.” Find out how many more things can be made gold in GoobNet Welcomes You to the Following Presentation of the National Football League.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, American football, NFL

REGARDING THE INNER WORKINGS OF WINDMILLS

“Not a substitute for human interaction.” Shut up and take our money in Regarding the Inner Workings of Windmills.

Keywords: Variety, Futurama

A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW

“The Force awakens, but hits the snooze button.” Bring order to a galaxy far, far away – but not without a decent coffee first – in A Certain Point of View.

Keywords: Variety

HAIL TO THE REFORMERS

“The mere fact that they are called ‘television timeouts’ is a clear admission that there is no competitive reason for them to exist.” Demand the introduction of milk and cookie breaks whilst singing Hail to the Reformers.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football

STILL NO PURPLE

“Provides access to the Botanic Garden, NASA, and Voice of America.” Tune in to Radio Free Universe in Still No Purple.

Keywords: Variety, Transit

STUMP EDVARD ABOUT ABOUT

“Let us now find out about that.” Don’t answer your repeated calls for justice in Stump Edvard About About.

Keywords: Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard, Grammar

SOMETHING TO BE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN OF

“The group phase began in June.” Be late to the party in Something to Be Absolutely Certain Of.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Prediction

ONE LAST HELPING OF STEWBEEF

“And please remember that bullshit is everywhere, especially in this paragraph.” Agree that this is not your Moment of Zen in One Last Helping of Stewbeef.

Keywords: Community, Mailbox, Jon Stewart

THE GOOBNET MLS JOURNEYMAN CHALLENGE

“We’re going to test your knowledge of MLS journeymen.” Take the GoobNet MLS Journeyman Challenge in The GoobNet MLS Journeyman Challenge.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Interactive, Football, MLS

PEOPLE WHO CAN OPTIMISE DISH DEPTH

“For this work, he was awarded the National Medal of Science in 1983.” Win fabulous prizes in People Who Can Optimise Dish Depth.

Keywords: Knowledge, Mathematics

HIGH LEVEL OF INTERESTINGNESS

“This short safety video starring Gary Sinise will show you how.” Reduce your Bacon number in High Level of Interestingness.

Keywords: Space, Commmunity, Mailbox, Solar system

UNITED PASSIONS FOR MONEY

“You will no doubt recall our first special on the arrests, titled ‘Beneath the Sheets with Arrested FIFA Officials’.” Don’t get too close to José Maria Marin in United Passions for Money.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT, Football, FIFA

ENGAGE PARTY YEAR SELECTION MODE

“Well, you’re right.” Totally see that one coming in Engage Party Year Selection Mode.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup, Review committee

ALL ANSWERS REVEALED

“That fact is brought to you by knowledge. Knowledge: It’s where you know stuff.” Give the false impression that you have even the barest understanding of the subject under discussion in All Answers Revealed.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup

INTERACTION: WOMEN’S WORLD CUP FORECAST

“This is so not what I signed up for.” Don’t be suckered into taking care of Chuck Blazer’s cats in Interaction: Women’s World Cup Forecast.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Interaction, Football, Women’s World Cup

THE GRID

“Fans of lot drawing should hope for England and Mexico to win, one by two goals and the other by one.” Nominate anyone other than Sepp Blatter to do the honours in The Grid.

Keywords: Knowledge, Sport, Football, Women’s World Cup

INSISTENCE

“Clearly, some teams have separated themselves from the pack.” Know who the pack is and why your distance from it should be kept to a minimum in Insistence.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup

HOW TO RESTORE PRIDE IN FOOTBALL

“Footballers are people, not property.” Follow the lead of President Foudy as you discover How to Restore Pride in Football.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, FIFA

SCHMILBLICK PATROL: LUÍS FIGO

“And of course, thank you to our musical guests Green Day, Avril Lavigne, and Elvis Costello for helping show us all just how much of an embarrassment Sepp Blatter really is.” Be disappointed that Adele and Norah Jones were unavailable for Schmilblick Patrol: Luís Figo.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Football, FIFA

OFFENSE ALL AROUND

“Naturally, we were very impressed by this and began to seek other ways to offend both sides of debates.” Discover why everybody is wrong in Offense All Around.

Keywords: Variety

FASTEST FINGER FEST: RETIRED NUMBER EDITION

“Where will it end?” Discover whether “face down in a ditch with no pants” can be an acceptable response to the Fastest Finger Fest: Retired Number Edition.

Keywords: Community, Sport, Interactive, Fastest Finger Fest

LITERARY HISTORY BY THE NUMBERS

“The Icelandic language has changed so little over the past thousand years that modern Icelanders can read the famous Icelandic sagas and Poetic Edda.” Learn that literature is not that terrible in Literary History By the Numbers.

Keywords: Variety, Literature

STUMP EDVARD ON THE MOTORWAY

“Also, pretty sure that’s illegal.” Read the fine print and try to Stump Edvard on the Motorway.

Keywords: Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard

WHEN THIRD IS FIRST

“It came from the 1990s, and there it should stay.” Avoid Rob van Winkle and discover When Third is First.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, England, Sport uniforms

THE SOLUTION TO BASKETBALL

“At last, we have reached the long sought after utopia where the same foul results in the same penalty regardless of when during the game it occurs.” Win causality in The Solution to Basketball.

Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Support, SPEED, Basketball

INTERACTION: SIXTEEN YEARS OF NUNAVUT

“Oh, a comedy, eh?” Be a hoser and take off in Interaction: Sixteen Years of Nunavut.

Keywords: Novelty, Interaction, Canada, Nunavut

MEET THE PREMIER PREMIERS OF NUNAVUT

“Okalik was Nunavut’s first premier, serving from 1999 to 2008.” Find out what the Quttiktuq is happening in the assembly in Meet the Premier Premiers of Nunavut.

Keywords: Variety, Canada, Nunavut

2015 GOOBNET NUNAVUT ISLAND CHAMPIONSHIP

“In addition, we learned quite a bit about all 64 of the islands that qualified.” Allow the world’s largest island within a lake within an island within a lake within an island to blow your mind as we complete the 2015 GoobNet Nunavut Island Championship.

Keywords: Variety, Tournament, Canada, Nunavut

2015 GOOBNET NUNAVUT ISLAND CHAMPIONSHIP: BRACKETS

“There is no way we would ever consider doing anything like that.” Don’t panic as you fill in your 2015 GoobNet Nunavut Island Championship: Brackets.

Keywords: Variety, Tournament, Interactive, Canada, Nunavut

2015 GOOBNET NUNAVUT ISLAND CHAMPIONSHIP: SEEDINGS

“Until that time, please begin thinking about how to fill out your bracket.” Take the hint that this is totally going to be the year that all the sixteenth seeds reach the Final Four of the 2015 GoobNet Nunavut Island Championship: Seedings.

Keywords: Variety, Tournament, Canada, Nunavut

FLY NUNAVUT TO THE MOON

“Alas, only a small portion of the Universe is Nunavut.” Find a good place to invent the next periodic table in Fly Nunavut to the Moon.

Keywords: Variety, Canada, Nunavut

NOT YET NUNAVUT

“We here at GoobNet were excited, of course, because we are humans.” See why the narwhals are once again getting shafted in Not Yet Nunavut.

Keywords: Space, Community, Mailbox, Canada, Nunavut

FIFTY SHADES ARE BLACKED OUT

“To that we say: The rest of the world can go fuck itself.” Realise that EL James was getting ahead of herself in Fifty Shades Are Blacked Out.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Canada, Nunavut

GOOBNET IS HAVING NUNAVUT

“From Akimiski Island to Ellesmere Island, from Iqaluit to Kugluktuk, this is a vast land with much to discover.” Find out what our land has to offer in GoobNet Is Having Nunavut.

Keywords: Community, Canada, Nunavut, Interactive

A GAME IN WHICH THE KNEE FIGURED PROMINENTLY

“As it turned out, very few of the scoring plays were silly in any way.” Add a degree of difficulty with opaque face masks in A Game In Which the Knee Figured Prominently.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, American football, NFL

CARRY ON KICKING OFF

“Possessions were automatically terminated at the end of each quarter.” Understand the implications of Amontons’s Law in Carry On Kicking Off.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, American football, NFL

HOW TO FLOW THROUGH THE UNIVERSE

“And don’t answer just yet.” Pause for a moment and await the illumination of the little white lights in How to Flow Through the Universe.

Keywords: Variety, Interactive

THE GOOBNET SPEED EST CHARLIE

“I said, where are you and when did you get there?” Understand your current world line in The GoobNet SPEED est Charlie.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, France

THE THEORY OF THE PRICE OF 99 LEAD HARPOONS

“You understand everything.” Explain to us the appeal of a live television broadcast of a musical in The Theory of the Price of 99 Lead Harpoons.

Keywords: Variety, Review committee

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