WEEKLY WHINE >> 2015
MON 28 DEC 2015
“When people begin to describe you with the phrase ‘out-crazied by Donald Trump’, it might be time to reexamine your life.” See whose escalators aren’t going all the way to the penthouse suite in Attack Eyebrows Are In Place.
MON 21 DEC 2015
“But who wouldn’t want to watch an NFL game on a 200 yard field?” Tear down that ugly eyesore of a city hall to make way for a stadium expansion so that you may Stump Edvard Regarding the NFL.
MON 14 DEC 2015
“But that’s totally not the same thing.” Enjoy equality without identicality as you Help the 2016 Men’s European Championship.
MON 07 DEC 2015
“So famous that they named the park after it.” Be the first in line for Hookers and Blackjack Park, which is Not Counting the D Train.
MON 30 NOV 2015
“We have apparently become experts on visual identity.” Ensure that your lockup has sufficient white space in GoobNet Rescues Your Brand.
MON 23 NOV 2015
“Look for GoobNet’s Misfortune Cookies wherever unfortunate snacks and desserts are sold.” Enjoy your tiramediocre in The Philosoraptor Has No Comment.
MON 16 NOV 2015
“My other uterus was vestigial or absent.” Witness the Vagina Monologues take a wrong turn into Boots Saves the Day, As Per Usual.
MON 09 NOV 2015
“Why did I say Liam?” Guess Rumpelstiltskin in The Mind Races for Ketchup.
MON 02 NOV 2015
“Way to go.” Agree with everything that Mr Goober says in A Triumphant Return to Scotland.
MON 26 OCT 2015
“Done!” Receive a high five for expressing yourself in Let’s Read a Finite Number of Words.
MON 19 OCT 2015
“There have been a great many films over the last century.” Wonder why Robert Rodriguez is nowhere to be found in Fastest Finger Fest: Filmography Edition.
MON 12 OCT 2015
“For sheer silliness, one must turn to the Republican and Democratic Parties.” Vote against everything the other guy stands for in Candidates Talk About Candidacy.
MON 05 OCT 2015
“And yet, somehow, life would go on.” Eradicate horizontal cuts and weird bread in The Importance of Visual Identity.
MON 28 SEP 2015
“This time slot is used only twice this year.” Find out how many more things can be made gold in GoobNet Welcomes You to the Following Presentation of the National Football League.
MON 21 SEP 2015
“Not a substitute for human interaction.” Shut up and take our money in Regarding the Inner Workings of Windmills.
MON 14 SEP 2015
“The Force awakens, but hits the snooze button.” Bring order to a galaxy far, far away – but not without a decent coffee first – in A Certain Point of View.
MON 07 SEP 2015
“The mere fact that they are called ‘television timeouts’ is a clear admission that there is no competitive reason for them to exist.” Demand the introduction of milk and cookie breaks whilst singing Hail to the Reformers.
MON 31 AUG 2015
“Provides access to the Botanic Garden, NASA, and Voice of America.” Tune in to Radio Free Universe in Still No Purple.
MON 24 AUG 2015
“Let us now find out about that.” Don’t answer your repeated calls for justice in Stump Edvard About About.
MON 17 AUG 2015
“The group phase began in June.” Be late to the party in Something to Be Absolutely Certain Of.
MON 10 AUG 2015
“And please remember that bullshit is everywhere, especially in this paragraph.” Agree that this is not your Moment of Zen in One Last Helping of Stewbeef.
MON 03 AUG 2015
“We’re going to test your knowledge of MLS journeymen.” Take the GoobNet MLS Journeyman Challenge in The GoobNet MLS Journeyman Challenge.
MON 27 JUL 2015
“For this work, he was awarded the National Medal of Science in 1983.” Win fabulous prizes in People Who Can Optimise Dish Depth.
MON 20 JUL 2015
“This short safety video starring Gary Sinise will show you how.” Reduce your Bacon number in High Level of Interestingness.
MON 13 JUL 2015
“You will no doubt recall our first special on the arrests, titled ‘Beneath the Sheets with Arrested FIFA Officials’.” Don’t get too close to José Maria Marin in United Passions for Money.
MON 06 JUL 2015
“Well, you’re right.” Totally see that one coming in Engage Party Year Selection Mode.
MON 29 JUN 2015
“That fact is brought to you by knowledge. Knowledge: It’s where you know stuff.” Give the false impression that you have even the barest understanding of the subject under discussion in All Answers Revealed.
MON 22 JUN 2015
“This is so not what I signed up for.” Don’t be suckered into taking care of Chuck Blazer’s cats in Interaction: Women’s World Cup Forecast.
MON 15 JUN 2015
“Fans of lot drawing should hope for England and Mexico to win, one by two goals and the other by one.” Nominate anyone other than Sepp Blatter to do the honours in The Grid.
MON 08 JUN 2015
“Clearly, some teams have separated themselves from the pack.” Know who the pack is and why your distance from it should be kept to a minimum in Insistence.
MON 01 JUN 2015
“Footballers are people, not property.” Follow the lead of President Foudy as you discover How to Restore Pride in Football.
MON 25 MAY 2015
“And of course, thank you to our musical guests Green Day, Avril Lavigne, and Elvis Costello for helping show us all just how much of an embarrassment Sepp Blatter really is.” Be disappointed that Adele and Norah Jones were unavailable for Schmilblick Patrol: Luís Figo.
MON 18 MAY 2015
“Naturally, we were very impressed by this and began to seek other ways to offend both sides of debates.” Discover why everybody is wrong in Offense All Around.
MON 11 MAY 2015
“Where will it end?” Discover whether “face down in a ditch with no pants” can be an acceptable response to the Fastest Finger Fest: Retired Number Edition.
MON 04 MAY 2015
“The Icelandic language has changed so little over the past thousand years that modern Icelanders can read the famous Icelandic sagas and Poetic Edda.” Learn that literature is not that terrible in Literary History By the Numbers.
MON 27 APR 2015
“Also, pretty sure that’s illegal.” Read the fine print and try to Stump Edvard on the Motorway.
MON 20 APR 2015
“It came from the 1990s, and there it should stay.” Avoid Rob van Winkle and discover When Third is First.
MON 13 APR 2015
“At last, we have reached the long sought after utopia where the same foul results in the same penalty regardless of when during the game it occurs.” Win causality in The Solution to Basketball.
MON 06 APR 2015
“Oh, a comedy, eh?” Be a hoser and take off in Interaction: Sixteen Years of Nunavut.
MON 30 MAR 2015
“Okalik was Nunavut’s first premier, serving from 1999 to 2008.” Find out what the Quttiktuq is happening in the assembly in Meet the Premier Premiers of Nunavut.
MON 23 MAR 2015
“In addition, we learned quite a bit about all 64 of the islands that qualified.” Allow the world’s largest island within a lake within an island within a lake within an island to blow your mind as we complete the 2015 GoobNet Nunavut Island Championship.
MON 16 MAR 2015
“There is no way we would ever consider doing anything like that.” Don’t panic as you fill in your 2015 GoobNet Nunavut Island Championship: Brackets.
MON 09 MAR 2015
“Until that time, please begin thinking about how to fill out your bracket.” Take the hint that this is totally going to be the year that all the sixteenth seeds reach the Final Four of the 2015 GoobNet Nunavut Island Championship: Seedings.
MON 02 MAR 2015
“Alas, only a small portion of the Universe is Nunavut.” Find a good place to invent the next periodic table in Fly Nunavut to the Moon.
MON 23 FEB 2015
“We here at GoobNet were excited, of course, because we are humans.” See why the narwhals are once again getting shafted in Not Yet Nunavut.
MON 16 FEB 2015
“To that we say: The rest of the world can go fuck itself.” Realise that EL James was getting ahead of herself in Fifty Shades Are Blacked Out.
MON 09 FEB 2015
“From Akimiski Island to Ellesmere Island, from Iqaluit to Kugluktuk, this is a vast land with much to discover.” Find out what our land has to offer in GoobNet Is Having Nunavut.
MON 02 FEB 2015
“As it turned out, very few of the scoring plays were silly in any way.” Add a degree of difficulty with opaque face masks in A Game In Which the Knee Figured Prominently.
MON 26 JAN 2015
“Possessions were automatically terminated at the end of each quarter.” Understand the implications of Amontons’s Law in Carry On Kicking Off.
MON 19 JAN 2015
“And don’t answer just yet.” Pause for a moment and await the illumination of the little white lights in How to Flow Through the Universe.
MON 12 JAN 2015
“I said, where are you and when did you get there?” Understand your current world line in The GoobNet SPEED est Charlie.
MON 05 JAN 2015
“You understand everything.” Explain to us the appeal of a live television broadcast of a musical in The Theory of the Price of 99 Lead Harpoons.
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