WEEKLY WHINE >> 2013
MON 30 DEC 2013
“Americans need to amend their constitution to codify their right to privacy.” Don’t be shocked that we totally know about that one thing you did with that one guy in Gaze Into the Future and Stump Edvard.
MON 23 DEC 2013
“Note that it is theoretically possible that there will not be enough bowl games to go around.” Ensure that Nassau has a chance to participate in Because Helmetball Is Not Nearly Silly Enough.
MON 16 DEC 2013
“We also provide eight midweek dates for domestic cup matches.” See when penalty shootouts are permitted to occur in How to Reset the Domestic Calendar.
MON 09 DEC 2013
“But what of the results of the draw?” Determine which is the Group of Consequences in Dropping the Ball.
MON 02 DEC 2013
“The draw is always an eagerly anticipated event that is probably not rigged. And if it is, it’s only rigged slightly.” Set your desired level of riggitude in Do the Draw.
MON 25 NOV 2013
“I just wanted to say... hello.” Wish really hard for another fifty years in Top Lines of the Whoniverse.
MON 18 NOV 2013
“We are sure that he will be extraordinarily successful in this role.” Be prepared to follow his every move in Neil deGrasse Tyson Honoured as First Scientist Laureate.
MON 11 NOV 2013
“Spoilers!” Observe the clock going tick tock in Top Villains of the Whoniverse.
MON 04 NOV 2013
“Whether fresh or salt, shallow or deep, estuarial or alluvial, water is very important on Earth.” Find out whether you can distinguish the Sulu Sea from the Savu Sea in Fastest Finger Fest: Waters of Earth Edition.
MON 28 OCT 2013
“We hope we have not now given them the idea.” Identify nearby objects that may be used as an eye poker in Orlando City’s Welcome Packet.
MON 21 OCT 2013
“Oh, fuck you, Congress.” Discover that our take on the situation is not really all that unique in US Government Existence Still a Thing.
MON 14 OCT 2013
“Any team that cannot achieve a total of 10 points therefore cannot advance to the playoffs.” Determine whether Nadia Comaneci can still qualify in Making Sense of the Qualifiers.
MON 07 OCT 2013
“So, now that our high speed rail network is complete, we urge you to take advantage of it by travelling all throughout the United States.” Take advantage of our complete high speed rail network by travelling all throughout the United States in HEARTANDSOUL Revision 1 Phase 4 Complete.
MON 30 SEP 2013
“Therefore she won’t like Tim Tams.” Discover the many unpleasant things that could happen to someone who stands between Amber Lynn and the Tim Tams in Appealing to Lack of Authority.
MON 23 SEP 2013
“This will also affect the qualifiers, of course.” Find out how to quit the status quo in How to Squeeze Qatar Into the Calendar.
MON 16 SEP 2013
“You may, however, need your taxpayers’ permission.” See why they’re still pretty darn sad in HEARTANDSOUL Revision 1 Phase 3 Complete.
MON 09 SEP 2013
“From the crust to the core, you’ll be the first to know about the latest on Earth’s magnetic field, its metallic core – both the liquid and solid layers – and all of the tectonic plates.” Discover who will be our Mohorovičić correspondent in Geocentric Coverage.
MON 02 SEP 2013
“The winner will be honoured as the first ever Scientist Laureate and will leave immediately for the nineteen public appearances required of the winner.” Don’t miss a special guest appearance on Whose Line Is It Anyway in Voting for Scientist Laureate Now Open.
MON 26 AUG 2013
“Those of you who are aware of how maps work will have noticed that the same routes are still being added in this second phase.” Realise that the little N does not mean nowhere in HEARTANDSOUL Revision 1 Phase 2 Complete.
MON 19 AUG 2013
“Elon, we will be pleased to do it for you.” Determine whether we should ever be allowed near the Dragon capsule in HEARTANDSOUL Revision 1 Phase 1 Complete.
MON 12 AUG 2013
“I think you’ll find that’s true of most things people post online.” Realise that it might be in your interest to avoid calling that one commenter an ignorant ass fragment in Stump Edvard on Teh Interwebs.
MON 05 AUG 2013
“The possibilities are unlimited.” Join the massive throngs clamouring for the return of the Trans-Tasman Cup in How to Reset the International Calendar.
MON 29 JUL 2013
“And Edvard’s counterargument that we don’t have a video podcast really didn’t sway me.” Find out how long it takes to download a zero byte file in Our Chance to Make Faces on Mars.
MON 22 JUL 2013
“And, just to give them something else to do, why not some more art exhibitions?” See if the reclaimed land speaks to you in White Elephant Watch.
MON 15 JUL 2013
“And don’t ask what this predicament is.” Recognise that it is “Copper is twenty percent more expensive than market forces would otherwise suggest” in Do Not Leave It Unattended.
MON 08 JUL 2013
“Those things are awesome.” Try the unicorn veal in Messi and Enemies.
MON 01 JUL 2013
“We felt that this made the rent rules needlessly complex.” Know where to land in An Important Upgrade.
MON 24 JUN 2013
“So vinegar is a controlled substance in Brazil?” Try the honey mustard instead in Interaction: Protests in Brazil.
MON 17 JUN 2013
“Nobody knows.” Solve the mystery of the missing letters [hint: they’re not missing] in Ass Pairs Hangman.
MON 10 JUN 2013
“The following Weekly Whines, presented in chronological order, received honourable mentions.” Find out that ‘The Replacement’ totally got robbed in Greatest Hits.
MON 03 JUN 2013
“Pee Wee Herman is on assignment.” Find out why the basement of the Alamo has been closed for sixteen years in Hot, Fresh Raisin Bread.
MON 27 MAY 2013
“But for the Hornets, teal always seemed the appropriate choice.” Be pleased that they didn’t select electric mucus in Welcome Back to the Hive.
MON 20 MAY 2013
“He no longer performs that stunt, probably because it would void the warranty of Safeco Field.” Don’t waste your money on the protection plan in The Definitive Baseball Mascot Evaluation.
MON 13 MAY 2013
“Because they’re run by rich fuckers who can’t fucking relate to the rest of us.” Determine why either Sacramento or Seattle is going to be very sad in a few weeks in The GoobNet SPEED Explores Health Insurance on West Egg.
MON 06 MAY 2013
“Go visit a site that you do have the right to visit.” Discover why nobody cares how many Harlem Shake videos you watch in No Longer Time to Go Woot About Liquid Helium.
MON 29 APR 2013
“However, MLS did not follow our advice.” Suppress your disappointment in the lack of an Edvard Rule in MLS: ARRRGH! Revisited.
MON 22 APR 2013
“If you are less than about thirty years old, you will never be able to understand the 1980s.” Realise that Beverly Hills Cop will tell you pretty much everything you need to know in Understand Humanity with Edvard.
MON 15 APR 2013
“So, in honour of the Universe, we thought we would give you this opportunity to measure your knowledge of it.” Ask not what your Universe can do for you in The GoobNet Solar System Moon Quiz.
MON 08 APR 2013
“There is even olivine to be found in parts of Syrtis Major, as well as a variety of interesting dikes.” Make sure Amber Lynn is paying attention in A Variety of Locations on Mars.
MON 01 APR 2013
“Another panellist, though, snarkily remarked, ‘When was it cool before?’” Discover that we are not in fact talking about rice sorting in Nominating Session for Science Pope.
MON 25 MAR 2013
“Is the round of 64 really the ‘second round’?” Count the seeds in Bracket Befuddlement.
MON 18 MAR 2013
“Fifty leagues around the world have had at least one continental champion, of which the Argentine, Brazilian, Italian, Spanish, Uruguayan, German, Dutch, English, Portuguese, Paraguayan, and Serbian leagues have had at least one world champion.” Discover why PRK Hekari United totally got robbed in 2013 GoobNet Global Football League Cup.
MON 11 MAR 2013
“Or will we finally see the most awesome name possible: Pope Lando II?” Determine whether Cardinal Billy Dee Williams is available in Probable Papabili.
MON 04 MAR 2013
“Why are we liquidating our orderlies?” See what you can save, when you can save it, in Sequesteriffic.
MON 25 FEB 2013
“So don’t be like Rafa Márquez.” Find someone else to headbutt in Find Out If Nobody Beats ‘Wiz’.
MON 18 FEB 2013
“So what about the rice pudding?” Find out what was strange about Pia Sundhage’s guitar in Respect and Support.
MON 11 FEB 2013
“Please try to do better at future Super Bowls.” Get Colin Kaepernick the help he needs in Historic Broadcasts.
MON 04 FEB 2013
“Hi, I’m Betty White for GoobNet.” Find out how hot it is in Cleveland in Not a Joke, a Sales Campaign.
MON 28 JAN 2013
“Still, the artificial surface affects the style of play.” Laugh at how high the ball is bouncing in Facilities That Facilitate Football.
MON 21 JAN 2013
“I’m selling them for 25¢ each, or best offer. Everything must go!” Find out how to help yourself to some spiffy stuff, no questions asked, in Lack of Honesty Does Not Stump Edvard.
MON 14 JAN 2013
“Any damn fool can land on Mars with a huge wad of bounding air bags.” Become familiar with the type of damn fool that made a successful landing in Partial Recall of 2012.
MON 07 JAN 2013
“Although we certainly applaud their willingness to make adventurous changes, we boo the result.” Find out that we are not in fact talking about the change to the payroll tax in Ice Hockey Declines Its Day in the Sun.
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