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WEEKLY WHINE

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THE LATEST ON THE EARLIEST

“Here at the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, we believe that when you use your television to view live satellite programming, the live programming you would like to see broadcast from satellites using your television includes such exciting things as runs, hits, errors, sculls, spikes, and stick checks.” Send in a large number of loud complaints about the lack of pistes in The Latest on the Earliest.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT

UNDER 20 MANAGERS EXIST

“The round of 16 begins tomorrow.” Feel immense relief that you do not have to sit through the round of 65,536 in Under 20 Managers Exist.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, Interactive

THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL IS NOW OBSOLETE

“A constant refrain in the health care debates is that the government should not have authority over who lives and who dies.” Discover that all signs point off the edge of the cliff because The Magic Eight Ball is Now Obsolete.

Keywords: Politics, Variety

THE UNIVERSE’S FIRST PERIODIC TABLE RANKINGS

“Scientists, after all, have found that the Sun is a huge atom smashing machine.” Discover whether the Sun is visible in Istanbul or Constantinople in The Universe’s First Periodic Table Rankings.

Keywords: Variety, Chemistry

MAINTAIN APPEARANCES ON ALL SIDES

“We here at GoobNet are naturally thrilled at their use of the arched capital N.” Demand that everything is rendered in small caps in Maintain Appearances on All Sides.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, United States, Canada

BREAK THE INTERNET AND STUMP EDVARD

“Should I arrest them and torture them until they confess, or should I just put them in a cell until everyone forgets about them?” Realise that freedom isn’t free in Break the Internet and Stump Edvard.

Keywords: Politics, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard

INTERACTION: WHY ARE US AIRLINES SO SHITTY?

“On my plane? Oh, hell no!” Have it with these motherfucking television personalities on this motherfucking plane in Interaction: Why Are US Airlines So Shitty?.

Keywords: Novelty, Interaction, Aviation

ALL SWEEPS ALL THE TIME

“You might ask whether this is legal.” You can go about your business and move along to All Sweeps All the Time.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

EARTH TREATS THE SOLAR SYSTEM WITH DIGNITY

“It successfully entered Venusian orbit at the second go in 2015 using four attitude control thrusters.” If at first you don’t succeed, simply keep in mind that Earth Treats the Solar System with Dignity.

Keywords: Space, Variety, Solar system

ALL INTERFACES ARE AVAILABLE

“Use Secure Shell instead.” Load letter into your printer, not your PC, in All Interfaces Are Available.

Keywords: Computers, Variety

SAY A DIFFERENT PLACE

“This will no doubt be spectacularly awesome and, as a bonus, will probably not destroy Earth.” Declare a Trump War, but first Say a Different Place.

Keywords: Space, Community, Mailbox

2017 GOOBNET FEARS OF DONALD J TRUMP CHAMPIONSHIP: RESULTS

“We suspect that many of the pundits in the dishonest media were confused by the premise of the tournament – we were looking for the thing that Donald J Trump is most afraid of, not what he should be most afraid of.” Discover which of these great fears was the most bigly tremendous in the 2017 GoobNet Fears of Donald J Trump Championship: Results.

Keywords: Variety, Politics, Tournament

2017 GOOBNET FEARS OF DONALD J TRUMP CHAMPIONSHIP: BRACKETS

“The seeding was a fairly straightforward process, during which things that Donald J Trump obviously does not fear were eliminated.” Erase “looking like a total creep” and “acting like a total creep” from your 2017 GoobNet Fears of Donald J Trump Championship: Brackets.

Keywords: Community, Politics, Tournament, Interactive

MEN’S WORLD CUP EXPANSION: WHAT THEN?

“Teams in Pot 1 and Pot 2 who had played one another in the seeding playoffs were allowed to be allocated to the same group.” Enable familiarity to breed contempt in Men’s World Cup Expansion: What Then?.

Keywords: Support, Sport, Football, Men’s World Cup, Prediction

MEN’S WORLD CUP EXPANSION: WHO, SPECIFICALLY?

“Edvard would like it to be known that he in no way endorses this prediction and is not willing to play any part in the jinx that we have just applied to the Netherlands.” See into the future with Oranje tinted lenses in Men’s World Cup Expansion: Who, Specifically?.

Keywords: Support, Sport, Football, Men’s World Cup, Prediction

MEN’S WORLD CUP EXPANSION: WHO?

“This expansion has been approved, though, which means that short of Gianni Infantino being visited by the Ghosts of Men’s World Cups Past, Present, and Yet to Come, the 2026 Men’s World Cup will be a large, ungainly beast of 80 matches in 32 days.” Meet Diego Maradona, Lionel Messi, and Christian Pulisic in Men’s World Cup Expansion: Who?.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Sport, Football, Men’s World Cup

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