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CURRENTLY NOT A TRAITOR TO THE LAND OF FICTION

WEEKLY WHINE

... 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019

64 BETTER NAMES

“In a marathon session that ran almost fifteen minutes, of which six were wasted because participants were suggesting names faster than Gaby could type them, the GoobNet Special Projects Enhancement and Enforcement Division [SPEED] has identified 64 potential names for your football club.” See if Stenography Kansas City appears in 64 Better Names.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, MLS

LET’S REALIGN

“Arkansas State moves from the Sun Belt to the South Central Conference [formerly the SEC West Division].” See why the Red Wolves will be pleased to be part of South Central in Let’s Realign.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football

GETTING THE MOST OUT OF YOUR WORDS

“It is a second tier capability receiving first tier billing.” See what mail merging has to do with Chivas USA in Getting the Most Out of Your Words.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

BEST KITS EVAR!!!!!!

“This is a good idea, but the home stripe should be red, not least because it will allow supporters to cry, ‘The red stripe is beer! Yay beer!’” See why you should be excited to find coloured graphic elements in Best Kits Evar!!!!!!.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup, Sport uniforms

TOOLS PLEASE

“None of this ‘special menus and tabs that are nowhere to be found until you’ve clicked on something’ bullshit.” Determine what you have to do to make our special opinions and remarks appear in Tools Please.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

OFFICE 2010 WAS MY IDEA

“You might well ask why we would ever want to do something that silly.” Come face to face with the dark side of your desires in Office 2010 Was My Idea.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Computers

SCOTTISH KIT RELIEF

“The away uniform, of course, is a preposterous pink and black adventure that should not be allowed in the presence of children.” Establish the Parents Footballing Council in Scottish Kit Relief.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Scotland, Sport uniforms

CLEANING UP HELMETBALL

“Pink would be a good choice.” See why NFL teams are missundaztood in Cleaning Up Helmetball.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football, NFL, Sport uniforms

DECREASING MINUS SIZES

“Do you have a need to test the newly installed or replaced sidewalks so that teenagers who are using their mobile telephones, PSPs, and Twitter machines will not trip over any discontinuities?” Find out how the likes of Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell can come to your rescue in Decreasing Minus Sizes.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Fashion

CHANGE WE CAN KICK OFF TO

“Reject, and make clear to FIFA that when submitting change proposals to the IFAB, the stated reason must not be a bare assed lie.” Encourage Sepp Blatter to appear on The Moment of Truth in Change We Can Kick Off To.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, FIFA

A FIVE POINT ACTION PLAN

“In most countries, that’s primarily because the fans boycott, start fights, start riots, or set Vespas on fire if they don’t get their way.” Maintain public order in A Five Point Action Plan.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

ICOSIPENTATHLON

“The benefit of this event is that it would be funny to see a tiny gymnast do a 720 on a skateboard, or to see the world’s top BMX cyclist eliminated from the competition because he overused the inside rein on a 20 metre circle in the dressage.” Consider the implications of broadening competitors’ horizons in Icosipentathlon.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Summer Olympics

READY, SET, PANDER

“Don’t you just love to grow tobacco?” See what will play in Winston-Salem in Ready, Set, Pander.

Keywords: Politics, Support, SPEED

PLAY NOW

“With the most realistic physics ever to hit console tiddling, Wii Tiddlywinks lets you tiddle with the pros!” Take part in some virtual tiddling in Play Now.

Keywords: Computers, Support, SPEED

DO NOT KICK OFF

“Umm... yeah. So if you could go ahead and sort of tell us your qualifying format for South Africa 2010, that’d be great.” Let football be the boss of you in Do Not Kick Off.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup

RIGHT AFTER THIS

“It’s the only game where you can win a random amount of money for doing pretty much nothing at all!” Look into the future of television game shows [but not very far] in Right After This.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows

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