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WEEKLY WHINE

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ADVANCE NOTIFICATION

“We would like to apologise for this, because most of you are exceptional actors who have turned in wonderful performances in a variety of different films and television programmes.” Be completely honest about your shortcomings and give Advance Notification.

Keywords: Variety

COOL JUG EARS, RACE ME

“Nerd Balm: Sport It!” See why we totally need Jim Parsons as the pitchman for Cool Jug Ears, Race Me.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Football, MLS

CHAMPIONS ALWAYS

“On Wednesday night, when the first leg of the final was to have been played in Medellín, candlelight vigils were instead held in Chapecoense’s stadium and in the home stadium of their final opponents, Atlético Nacional.” Go forward in all your beliefs, including the one that they are Champions Always.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Football, Brazil, Obituary

VOTE FOR THE VOTERS

“Shortly after the pizza arrived, they emerged with a plan.” Quantify the importance of pepperoni in Vote for the Voters.

Keywords: Politics, Propaganda, Support, SPEED, United States, MADCAP

MAKE US SOCCER GREAT AGAIN

“I have never seen a birth certificate!” Realise that everything is sad, unfair, and sadly unfair, at least until we Make US Soccer Great Again.

Keywords: Sport, Politics, Variety, Football, United States

RESULTS OF 2016 US BALLOT MEASURES

“The question naturally arises: What other things did American voters fuck up on Tuesday?” Live in abject fear of a reduction in the minimum wage as you await the Results of 2016 US Ballot Measures.

Keywords: Politics, Support, United States

CREATE THE W

“Exists in most of the other things on this list.” Express immense relief that for once we are not talking about the proton and the electron in Create the W.

Keywords: Variety

GUIDE TO 2016 US BALLOT MEASURES

“So what should you do?” Put on some pants and review your Guide to 2016 US Ballot Measures.

Keywords: Politics, Propaganda, Support, United States

RUSH TO JUDGMENT

“Can you come up with a better combination than the NFL?” Dare to wear two things that are the same colour in Rush to Judgment.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, American football, NFL, Sport uniforms, Interactive

LET US LOOK DOWN THE BALLOT

“And we dare you to find any evidence to the contrary.” Conclude that the correct answer is “all of it” in Let Us Look Down the Ballot.

Keywords: Politics, Support, SPLUT

SAMSAN GYMNASIUM

“Today, we look ahead to the second presidential debate. Which candidate will interrupt the other more? Which candidate will avoid more of the public’s questions? We have all the answers that we just made up and that you could have predicted anyway!” Know all along that there was not really any point in tuning in to Samsan Gymnasium.

Keywords: Variety, Transit game

SEOUL REVERSES THE MAILBOX

“And how can we find out without having to submit an expense report that Reg would never, ever approve?” Ensure that you retain your receipts when Seoul Reverses the Mailbox.

Keywords: Community, Mailbox, Transit, Reverse Mailbox

ANALOGISE RESPONSIBLY

“But you should stop that, because we have totally cracked your code.” Rest assured that we know exactly what you mean by “empty the Pixy Stik” in Analogise Responsibly.

Keywords: Politics, Variety

AN APPEAL ON BEHALF OF THE TURKMENISTAN TOURISM BOARD

“What do you mean no?” Disagree with everything Mr Goober says in An Appeal On Behalf of the Turkmenistan Tourism Board.

Keywords: Support, SPEED, Tourism, Turkmenistan

FOOD AND TAXES

“I just wanted to point out that I didn’t know that.” Avoid letting the facts get in the way of a good joke in Food and Taxes.

Keywords: Politics, Community, Mailbox

WHEREIN THE GOOBNET SPEED WELCOMES JASMINE

“Why do you hate America?” Eagerly anticipate the long awaited return of the logical fallacy in Wherein the GoobNet SPEED Welcomes Jasmine.

Keywords: Support, SPEED

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