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WEEKLY WHINE

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TOP LINES OF AN ETERNITY WITH NERDS

“Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies. And there would have to be a lot of them.” Shut up and get to the point of the Top Lines of an Eternity with Nerds.

Keywords: Variety, Futurama

AS ABOVE GROUND TRACKS, SO BELOW GROUND TRACKS

“Is actually more of a trapezoid.” Become the kite runner in As Above Ground Tracks, So Below Ground Tracks.

Keywords: Variety, Urban development

FULLY PREPARED FOR THE FUTURE

“We are fairly certain that we are going to have to do that.” Don your stray apparel and ensure that you are Fully Prepared for the Future.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Ice hockey, NHL

THE END OF AMBIGUITY

“And if they think we’re going to equip them with helmets or flak jackets, they have another thing coming.” Pay close attention to all announcements from Wen’s office in The End of Ambiguity.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, UEFA, Prediction

DROP IN ON SOME PLANETS

“The moons of Jupiter are also fascinating, but nobody is currently looking at them up close.” Realise that you should totally get up off your continent and Drop In on Some Planets.

Keywords: Space, Variety, Solar system

HIT ME WITH A BUMPED SUPER BALL

“If you can subtract one number from another number, this pricing game is for you.” Show how edumacated you are as you Hit Me with a Bumped Super Ball.

Keywords: Variety, Game shows

TOP LINES OF THE WORLD OF TOMORROW

“It varies from person to person.” Forget the lunar lander and remember the Top Lines of the World of Tomorrow.

Keywords: Variety, Futurama

MILA KUNIS SACRIFICES GINA RODRIGUEZ

“Well, good for you. That’s a real great opportunity for you. Great career move.” Discover the advantages of owning a modern set of encyclopædias in Mila Kunis Sacrifices Gina Rodriguez.

Keywords: Variety, Whose Line

HOW TO DEVELOP HELMETBALL

“Naturally, the press would immediately shorten that to the Trolls.” Help Kristoff find out where Anna’s got to this time in How to Develop Helmetball.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, American football, NFL

WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED BY OUR PROGRAMMING

“Programming languages must come together on this and use elseif.” Solve all problems simultaneously in We Apologise for Any Inconvenience Caused By Our Programming.

Keywords: Computers, Variety

LOS ANGELES AGAIN ASKS WHY THE OLYMPICS ARE HERE

“What synchronised swimmer would not want to swim synchronously in the centre of a stadium filled with state of the art luxury boxes?” Conclude that synchronised swimming does not mean what we think it means in Los Angeles Again Asks Why the Olympics are Here.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics

LOS ANGELES AGAIN WELCOMES YOU TO THE OLYMPICS

“Assuming your arteries survive that, you will then have the opportunity to witness world class athletic competitions at world class venues, most of which already exist or are going to exist anyway.” Realise that kale is overrated as Los Angeles Again Welcomes You to the Olympics.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics

THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL IS NOW OBSOLETE

“A constant refrain in the health care debates is that the government should not have authority over who lives and who dies.” Discover that all signs point off the edge of the cliff because The Magic Eight Ball is Now Obsolete.

Keywords: Politics, Variety

THE UNIVERSE’S FIRST PERIODIC TABLE RANKINGS

“Scientists, after all, have found that the Sun is a huge atom smashing machine.” Discover whether the Sun is visible in Istanbul or Constantinople in The Universe’s First Periodic Table Rankings.

Keywords: Variety, Chemistry

MAINTAIN APPEARANCES ON ALL SIDES

“We here at GoobNet are naturally thrilled at their use of the arched capital N.” Demand that everything is rendered in small caps in Maintain Appearances on All Sides.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, United States, Canada

EARTH TREATS THE SOLAR SYSTEM WITH DIGNITY

“It successfully entered Venusian orbit at the second go in 2015 using four attitude control thrusters.” If at first you don’t succeed, simply keep in mind that Earth Treats the Solar System with Dignity.

Keywords: Space, Variety, Solar system

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