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I’M AL GORE, AND GOOBNET WILL ALWAYS WIN THE POPULAR VOTE

WEEKLY WHINE

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LET US SOLVE AN UNSOLVED PROBLEM

“I wrote it in the margin of this website.” Discover that there was a reason all along for the incoherent football stuff being on the wrong side in Let Us Solve an Unsolved Problem.

Keywords: Mathematics, Community, Mailbox

ADDITION OF EDITIONS

“All right! Enough! We don’t care any more! Just wear whatever you want! Leave us alone!” Get too much information in Addition of Editions.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Basketball, NBA, Sport uniforms

SCHMILBLICK PATROL: JAÏR KARAM

“Hello.” Meet someone who can really make a difference in Schmilblick Patrol: Jaïr Karam.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Football

HOW TO DEVELOP HELMETBALL

“Naturally, the press would immediately shorten that to the Trolls.” Help Kristoff find out where Anna’s got to this time in How to Develop Helmetball.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, American football, NFL

THE FAIR WAY TO PLAY FAIR

“It has not actually written this definition; it has merely proposed that such a definition should exist.” Feel relieved that we are not discussing the word pornography in The Fair Way to Play Fair.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football

WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED BY OUR PROGRAMMING

“Programming languages must come together on this and use elseif.” Solve all problems simultaneously in We Apologise for Any Inconvenience Caused By Our Programming.

Keywords: Computers, Variety

LOS ANGELES AGAIN ASKS WHY THE OLYMPICS ARE HERE

“What synchronised swimmer would not want to swim synchronously in the centre of a stadium filled with state of the art luxury boxes?” Conclude that synchronised swimming does not mean what we think it means in Los Angeles Again Asks Why the Olympics are Here.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics

LOS ANGELES AGAIN WELCOMES YOU TO THE OLYMPICS

“Assuming your arteries survive that, you will then have the opportunity to witness world class athletic competitions at world class venues, most of which already exist or are going to exist anyway.” Realise that kale is overrated as Los Angeles Again Welcomes You to the Olympics.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics

THE LATEST ON THE EARLIEST

“Here at the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, we believe that when you use your television to view live satellite programming, the live programming you would like to see broadcast from satellites using your television includes such exciting things as runs, hits, errors, sculls, spikes, and stick checks.” Send in a large number of loud complaints about the lack of pistes in The Latest on the Earliest.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPLUT

UNDER 20 MANAGERS EXIST

“The round of 16 begins tomorrow.” Feel immense relief that you do not have to sit through the round of 65,536 in Under 20 Managers Exist.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, Interactive

THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL IS NOW OBSOLETE

“A constant refrain in the health care debates is that the government should not have authority over who lives and who dies.” Discover that all signs point off the edge of the cliff because The Magic Eight Ball is Now Obsolete.

Keywords: Politics, Variety

THE UNIVERSE’S FIRST PERIODIC TABLE RANKINGS

“Scientists, after all, have found that the Sun is a huge atom smashing machine.” Discover whether the Sun is visible in Istanbul or Constantinople in The Universe’s First Periodic Table Rankings.

Keywords: Variety, Chemistry

MAINTAIN APPEARANCES ON ALL SIDES

“We here at GoobNet are naturally thrilled at their use of the arched capital N.” Demand that everything is rendered in small caps in Maintain Appearances on All Sides.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, United States, Canada

BREAK THE INTERNET AND STUMP EDVARD

“Should I arrest them and torture them until they confess, or should I just put them in a cell until everyone forgets about them?” Realise that freedom isn’t free in Break the Internet and Stump Edvard.

Keywords: Politics, Community, Edvard, Stump Edvard

INTERACTION: WHY ARE US AIRLINES SO SHITTY?

“On my plane? Oh, hell no!” Have it with these motherfucking television personalities on this motherfucking plane in Interaction: Why Are US Airlines So Shitty?.

Keywords: Novelty, Interaction, Aviation

ALL SWEEPS ALL THE TIME

“You might ask whether this is legal.” You can go about your business and move along to All Sweeps All the Time.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT

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