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WEEKLY WHINE

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BLUES, ZINGS, AND OCTOPUSES

“You mean, we should have been looking away from it.” See what deserves your full and undivided lack of attention in Blues, Zings, and Octopuses.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Review committee

WHERE TIME HAS NO PLACE

“Your team was something of a letdown by comparison.” Tell everyone’s teams what they might not want to hear in Where Time Has No Place.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Men’s World Cup

ABUNDANTLY TRUE

“As further punishment, we will then deploy the Prawn Sandwich Brigade to Afghanistan.” See the world’s most élite fighting unit by looking somewhere other than Abundantly True.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Prediction

BEST KITS EVAR!!!!!!

“This is a good idea, but the home stripe should be red, not least because it will allow supporters to cry, ‘The red stripe is beer! Yay beer!’” See why you should be excited to find coloured graphic elements in Best Kits Evar!!!!!!.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup, Sport uniforms

FOOTBALL IS COMING HOME AND GOING AWAY

“We are confident that any of these nations would be capable of organising an extremely successful Men’s World Cup.” Evaluate the relative merits of a variety of locations around the world, without taking into account what they will be paying the referees, in Football is Coming Home and Going Away.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Australia, England, Japan, Korea Rep, Netherlands, Belgium, Qatar, Russia, Spain, Portugal, United States

20,000, MY ASS

“So, if you live in a free nation, don’t forget to thank the longstanding corruption in Brazilian football for its place in keeping the world safe for democracy.” Celebrate Ricardo Teixeira in the same breath as Ronald Reagan and George W Bush in 20,000, My Ass.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup

SELF LOATHING

“So when you watch the sports programmes on the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, you will likely be reminded of a crowded sports bar, in which thirty percent of people are watching game A and cheering for one of the teams involved, twenty percent are watching game B and cheering for one of the teams involved, twelve percent are watching game C and cheering for one of the teams involved, thirty one percent are watching any of games D through K and cheering for one of the teams involved, and the remaining seven percent are feigning interest in any of games A through K and pretending to cheer for one of the teams involved in hopes of hooking up with that one really hot fan of one of the teams involved in one of games A through K, the one who has been keeping up a really interesting conversation about breakfast foods and the local establishments that serve the best ones of each type, a conversation that has been interrupted every couple of minutes or faster with either a cheer of excitement or a groan of disappointment, and that member of the remaining seven percent has been nodding in agreement with the conversation, all whilst trying to react to that one of the teams involved in one of games A through K in the correct manner so that the one really hot member of the other ninety three percent won’t notice that anything is amiss and will totally go back to the home of that member of the remaining seven percent after that one of games A through K is over, but not to the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent, because that member of the remaining seven percent is completely sure that the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent is covered with posters and pictures of that team involved in that one of games A through K, and that member of the remaining seven percent is also completely sure that all those distractions are going to be completely irritating and will cause a loss of focus at the critical moment, thereby completely ending that member of the remaining seven percent’s chances with that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent, leaving that member of the remaining seven percent to rue the decision to go to the home of that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent rather than to host that one really hot member of the other ninety three percent and risk being found out as something less than a total freakish committed fan of that team involved in that one of games A through K.” Ask the guy behind the counter to turn on game L in Self Loathing.

Keywords: Support, SPLUT, Sport

2010 NODAR KUMARITASHVILI MEMORIAL GOOBNET WINTER OLYMPIC EVENT CHAMPIONSHIP

“The tournament was held in honour of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili.” Make your way to an important tribute in 2010 Nodar Kumaritashvili Memorial GoobNet Winter Olympic Event Championship.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Tournament, Winter Olympics

THE CELEBRITY HALFPIPE INVITATIONAL

“I’ve shown you my Raging Beaver. Now you show me yours.” See what is happening within the Olympic Village in The Celebrity Halfpipe Invitational.

Keywords: Community, Mailbox, Sport, Winter Olympics

SAFETY IN LETTERS

“Did you know that every skeletoner who has ever crashed did so whilst facing forward and lying on their stomachs?” See why sports and tomatoes should both be made safer in Safety in Letters.

Keywords: Variety, Sport, Winter Olympics

SCHMILBLICK PATROL: ISSA HAYATOU

“The confederation is not responsible for providing security until the team arrives in the city in which its matches are played.” See how culpable parties rationalise their decisions in Schmilblick Patrol: Issa Hayatou.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Football

SCOTTISH KIT RELIEF

“The away uniform, of course, is a preposterous pink and black adventure that should not be allowed in the presence of children.” Establish the Parents Footballing Council in Scottish Kit Relief.

Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Scotland, Sport uniforms

CLEAR TO EVERYONE WHO DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE

“And you don’t even want to know what we’re going to do to them if they fuck this one up too.” Cower in fear at the prospect of what actions we might take in Clear to Everyone Who Deserves a Second Chance.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, UEFA, Prediction

MY DRAW IS BETTER THAN YOUR DRAW

“Well, okay, it isn’t that easy.” Calibrate the difficulty level of your favourite activities in My Draw is Better Than Your Draw.

Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, Men’s World Cup, Interactive

INTERACTION: MEN’S WORLD CUP DRAW

“How should I know? Am I a psychic?” Make complete guesses about the future in Interaction: Men’s World Cup Draw.

Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Interaction, Football, Men’s World Cup

BLINDNESS

“Are you a Swedish football referee?” Don’t admit to your shortcomings in Blindness.

Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, France, Ireland Rep

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