WEEKLY WHINE >> 2004
SUN 26 DEC 2004
"I'm not sure you're addressing these questions about name origins the way the askers wanted." Experience the pride of uncertainty in Titan Stumps Edvard.
Keywords: Space, Community, Edvard, Solar system
SUN 19 DEC 2004
"Four years from now, when you're all being laid off, you will see the error of your ways." Encounter the bitter truth in The Folly of Artest.
Keywords: Variety, Review committee
SUN 12 DEC 2004
"Are you dialing the right numbers, if you know what I mean?" Experience the virtues of subtlety in Telemarketers on Break.
Keywords: Variety, Whose Line
SUN 05 DEC 2004
"Ha ha! I'm the winner! I'm gonna ban gay civil unions now!" Experience disastrous social reform in Vote for the Fraud.
SUN 28 NOV 2004
"ROAD CONSTRUCTION NEXT 16 KM: TRAFFIC FINES DOUBLED" Don't drink and blow snow in Are We There Yet.
Keywords: Variety
SUN 21 NOV 2004
"The Fascist Communications Commission - I mean the Federal Communications Commission - is reportedly reviewing the complaints to decide whether to begin an investigation." Defeat hypocrisy in bureaucracy in No Winners.
Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Novelty, Football, UEFA, Basketball, NBA, American football
SUN 14 NOV 2004
"We're too lazy to write something good this week." Be unsurprised in Yay Laziness.
Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, MLS, Interactive
SUN 07 NOV 2004
"How can this happen? He's from Massachusetts and everything! And he ran against a %&@*ing cowboy! This is madness!" Panic in Interaction: 2004 Election Aftermath.
Keywords: Politics, Novelty, Interaction
SUN 31 OCT 2004
"If I was using steroids, would I be standing here right now talking to you in a voice like Jennifer Tilly's?" Disprove the more shocking allegations in Just Wait for the Next Eclipse.
Keywords: Sport, Community, Baseball, Interactive
SUN 24 OCT 2004
"I'm a professional Segway racer." Reach top speeds of 5 m/s on open roads in Schmilblick Patrol: Alex Rodriguez.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Baseball
SUN 17 OCT 2004
"Meanwhile, Tomáš Rosický scores three goals, all on headers, and Marek Heinz adds two, both on assers." Find convenient way to make use of rarely needed body parts in Living to Suck Another Day.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, UEFA, Men’s World Cup, Prediction
SUN 10 OCT 2004
"But then you have to come up with new names for all the extra days, like Catilsday and Anagramday and Uranday, except that you don't want people mispronouncing Uranday because that would be bad." Reallocate nomenclature for diurnal durations in Interaction: X Prize Recap.
Keywords: Space, Novelty, Interaction
SUN 03 OCT 2004
"Kind of ironic, isn't it? 'SpaceShipOne' has no space." Define textual requirements in One Down, One to Go.
SUN 26 SEP 2004
"For instance, this morning when my wife and I had it, it was to give us something to do before the alarm clock went off." Make mornings fun again in Interaction: Categorising Horizontality.
Keywords: Novelty, Interaction
SUN 19 SEP 2004
"Yes. At the video arcades and skate parks of Hamilton, today's fashionable youth are decked out in the latest in bowler hats." Encounter new guidelines of style in Schmilblick Patrol: Frank Francisco.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Baseball
SUN 12 SEP 2004
"And it says here you once taught a lamb to vomit on cue." Discover the benefits of the animal kingdom in Schmilblick Patrol: Chamique Holdsclaw.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Basketball, WNBA
SUN 05 SEP 2004
"After the fires are put out, Edu is sent off for setting an opponent alight." Learn to recognise pyrotechnic bookable offenses in 44 Is Too Many.
SUN 29 AUG 2004
"The Vegas odds on who's appearing at the closing ceremony: Tetrahedron Guy 2:1, Octahedron Guy 4:1, Dodecahedron Guy 3:2, Icosahedron Guy 12:1." Bring ancient Greek culture into modern life in From the Torch to the Grill.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics, Review committee
SUN 22 AUG 2004
"So, if you're concerned about whether you'll still be able to succeed as a cabdriver at the New York Games, all I can say is, Δαγκώστε το λαμπρό γάιδαρο μετάλλων μου." Start planning ahead for sporting events in odd locations in Interaction: Does Your Delegation Feel Safe?.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Interaction, Summer Olympics
SUN 15 AUG 2004
"Disneyland called. They need their Animatronics back for Pirates of the Caribbean." Get confused about St Lucia's presence in And It Was Actually On Time.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Summer Olympics
SUN 08 AUG 2004
"We all agreed that this was the third most ill advised logo change in recent memory, behind the Houston Rockets' 'Sharky the Cartoon Rocket' and the Seattle SuperSonics' 'Big Old Block Letters That Went Out of Style Faster Than the Intel 486'." Loose the Queer Eye guys on professional sports in Why Not White?.
Keywords: Sport, Propaganda, Novelty, Football, MLS
SUN 01 AUG 2004
"It's unavoidable, like breathing." Find fast ways to do slow things in One State, Two State, Red State, Blue State.
SUN 25 JUL 2004
"Parents should not be allowed to choose the hair colour, height, or sexual orientation of their offspring!" Witness the triumph of nature over nurture in Interaction: Can Knowledge Be Dangerous?.
Keywords: Novelty, Interaction
SUN 18 JUL 2004
"Really? I'm made of stuff too! How coincidental!" Find truth in falsity in Where to Find Stuff.
Keywords: Space, Community, Mailbox, Solar system
SUN 11 JUL 2004
"Is not possible 84 straight times, unless your name is Lou Piniella." Offer a demonstration of how the runner was safe in Gagné Ya.
Keywords: Support
SUN 04 JUL 2004
"My mom won't let me read GoobNet!" Make your PICS labels pay in That's Just Not Likely.
SUN 27 JUN 2004
"This may be the only competitive event anywhere in the world wherein the trophy presentation occurs in a hot tub." Enjoy hot water in Focal Plane: Frozen Fight.
Keywords: Novelty, Focal Plane, Extreme plumbing
SUN 20 JUN 2004
"You feel out of place." Make an attempt to adjust to new surroundings in Better Get Used to It.
Keywords: Sport, Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes, Football, UEFA
SUN 13 JUN 2004
"Actually, it doesn't matter what kind of sporting event it is. With John Tesh and John McEnroe announcing together, how can you go wrong?" Engage in a stimulating discussion over whether the ball was in in That's What We'd Like to See.
SUN 06 JUN 2004
"So you have to wait about 75 more synodic periods until the inferior conjunctions are at the node crossings again." Offer jargon-filled explanations of impatience in Keep Your Planets Safe.
Keywords: Space, Community, Mailbox, Solar system
SUN 30 MAY 2004
"Dominica don't have any international quality pitches, so they're going to the Alamodome." Fail to find Vincenzo Del Negro on the squad lists in Let the Truth Be Told.
Keywords: Sport, Knowledge, Football, Men’s World Cup
SUN 23 MAY 2004
"Could the 2004 election be decided by Quentin Tarantino?" Cast your ballot for unseen violence in Swing Voters.
SUN 16 MAY 2004
"That's why, in response to our subscribers' suggestions, we've instituted a Virus Fun and Games section in our magazine, with the instant classic 'What's My Segmentation Fault?' section." Enjoy the excitement of nonstandard behaviour in Interaction: Internet Intrigue.
Keywords: Computers, Novelty, Interaction
SUN 09 MAY 2004
"You'll never take us alive, coppers! Muggsy, getcher Tommy gun!" Stand by for binary noir in Consumer Purports.
Keywords: Variety
SUN 02 MAY 2004
"The female footballer in front of me goes, 'Go DC!' before turning around nervously." Find potentially volatile ways to stand out in 22 Matches, 22 Moments.
SUN 25 APR 2004
"They aren't ugly. They're nasty. There's a difference." Cast a discerning eye on discernment in Insert Generic 'Shirty' Joke Here.
Keywords: Sport, Community, Edvard, Football, CAF, Men’s World Cup
SUN 18 APR 2004
"Do you guys not have bandwidth?" Assess your data transfer requirements in Place Your HETs.
Keywords: Space, Variety, Yuri’s Night
SUN 11 APR 2004
"The Firebirds stole the Boston flag outside the John Hancock Building, but a disorganised Nondescripts defense incredibly was able to spot the getaway vehicle in the Ted Williams Tunnel." Organise your pursuits of key city landmarks in The Road to DC.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Flag capturing, ACFL
SUN 04 APR 2004
"Furthermore... come on. Caves." Examine the seemingly obvious in Interaction: Get Outta My Caves!.
Keywords: Novelty, Interaction, Speleology
SUN 28 MAR 2004
"Ha ha! Sounds like someone wagered on a Stanford-St Joseph's final!" Place too much of an emphasis on regular season records in Lines Everywhere.
SUN 21 MAR 2004
"Besides, just how much work do we have to give to astronaut John 'Your Friendly Neighbourhood HST Repair Guy' Grunsfeld?" Offer discounts to repeat customers in Tip the Scale.
SUN 14 MAR 2004
"He causes destruction and despair wherever he goes. Seems pretty clear to me that he's a raven." Face up to the effects that people have on one another in Pay Attention, Yo.
Keywords: Sport, Community, Mailbox, American football
SUN 07 MAR 2004
"How about Carolina chartreuse?" Identify room for chromatic improvement in If You Can't Beat Them....
SUN 29 FEB 2004
"The Lakers came back to win, causing Shaquille O'Neal to call Henderson the 'Big Inadvertent'." Enjoy large silly names from large silly people in Of Inversions and Explosions.
SUN 22 FEB 2004
"Ask them to go to, say, 28978 Ixion instead of Pluto, and they'd say something along the lines of: 'No. Shut up.'" Have minor planet proposals shot down in Spot the Planet.
SUN 15 FEB 2004
"This is a favourite exercise of Honduras coach Bora Milutinovic." Keep your eye on the ball in Finally, Something to Do Before the Third Place Match.
Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup
SUN 08 FEB 2004
"Maybe her nipple is her Achilles's heel." Overanalyse costuming oddities in Can They Air That?.
SUN 01 FEB 2004
"'Shandi, we are going to get contacts for you.' Nooooooooooooooooo!" Disagree with reality in One Week of Solid Pain.
Keywords: Variety
SUN 25 JAN 2004
"Does the Pope wear boxers or briefs?" Challenge yourself to silly trivia in First of the Mohicans.
SUN 18 JAN 2004
"I mean like huge bags of cash driving up in armoured trucks to NASA headquarters." Take space travel to the bank in Interaction: Getting Back to It.
Keywords: Space, Novelty, Interaction, Space Shuttle
SUN 11 JAN 2004
"It feels like a turtle crawling around on my shoulder." Experience reptilian sensations in Interaction: Does the Internet Blow?.
Keywords: Computers, Novelty, Interaction
SUN 04 JAN 2004
"This year, make an effort to acquire a prescription of chill pills." Enjoy the advice of psychiatric professionals in Stand and Jeer.
Keywords: Sport, Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes, American football
PLEASE SEND ALL FIREWOOD TO <GOOBNET@GOOBNET.NET>
© 2018 GOOBNET ENTERPRISES, INC [WHICH DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST HOWEVER]
THIS FILE ACCURATE AS OF: THU 06 DEC 2018 – 06:35:03 UTC · GENERATED IN 0.009 SECONDS
