WEEKLY WHINE >> 2007
MON 31 DEC 2007
“If any of these groups do not end up in this order at the end of 2008, we will punish our team of prognosticators by making them officiate a match between Perivia and Panagura.” Ensure that you packed your sunscreen in Certainty.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Men’s World Cup, Prediction
MON 24 DEC 2007
“Hopefully, the next president of the US will act as the lead shit getter-together.” Discover why there is currently not a plan to organise everyone’s shit in The Little Girl Math Hour.
Keywords: Variety, Review committee
MON 17 DEC 2007
“Ours is vastly superior to any other television news network that you will ever see, and not just because we cover topics that actually matter, as opposed to some guy who was mistakenly charged too much money on a bill, a story that was apparently first broken by The Onion.” Meet the area man whose artwork is totally amazing in The World As of the Present Moment in Time.
MON 10 DEC 2007
“How and why did Halloween become an occasion for college girls to wear incredibly hot and revealing costumes? Not that I’m complaining, mind you.” Examine the many ways in which a hobo can be made sexy in Why Are Things the Way They Are?.
MON 03 DEC 2007
“How does one research graffiti?” Encounter some of the world’s most pointless professions in Schmilblick Patrol: Don Garber.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Football, MLS
MON 26 NOV 2007
“It gives me great pleasure to announce my new publication, the Antisocial Register.” Read about all of our Friends of GoobNet in Waiting for Hayden.
Keywords: Variety
MON 19 NOV 2007
“A painting and Crisco. What’s the connection?” Play for fame, recognition, and a variety of connecting cables in The Respect Sponsors Deserve.
MON 12 NOV 2007
“Drew has also performed an act that was previously thought to be impossible: making Double Prices interesting.” Say “Shazam!” as you click the link to Evaluation of Drew.
Keywords: Novelty, Game shows
MON 05 NOV 2007
“Every MLS club has an identity. Do you know what they are?” Suit up for the game of their lives [Salt Lake’s, that is] in MLS Identity.
Keywords: Sport, Community, Football, MLS, Interactive, Game shows
MON 29 OCT 2007
“Tony, is that candy bowl higher or lower than eighteen dollars?” See prizes, surprises, and contestants of all sizes in The World’s 1337est Cyrillic Characters.
MON 22 OCT 2007
“And it’s very important that you write to us about it, not to Penthouse Forum.” Contemplate the reasons that Halloween can’t occur every day in Gloveline.
MON 15 OCT 2007
“With the most realistic physics ever to hit console tiddling, Wii Tiddlywinks lets you tiddle with the pros!” Take part in some virtual tiddling in Play Now.
MON 08 OCT 2007
“The problem, of course, is twofold.” Test yourself and others in You Can’t Wear That on Airplanes.
Keywords: Support
MON 01 OCT 2007
“This is a classic example of a coach outthinking himself.” See why you don’t need to overanalyse the type of humour we have here in There Is Hope If You’re Flying Solo.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, Women’s World Cup, Review committee
MON 24 SEP 2007
“Why do we still show the postal mail address?” Show the willingness to adapt with the times in Interaction: Women’s World Cup Goalkeepers.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Interaction, Football, Women’s World Cup
MON 17 SEP 2007
“That sounds absurdly specific.” Be the first to know about a ligament in a knee in a player on a team in Schmilblick Patrol: Marcel Mathier.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Football
MON 10 SEP 2007
“Thank you for your confidence. The remaining 14% will be the first to die.” Don’t say the word tomboy out loud in The GoobNetian Dream.
Keywords: Community, Game shows
MON 03 SEP 2007
“We are, after all, representative of all walks of life, except for people who don’t like football or space travel, but they don’t count anyway.” Adopt a better way of looking at other people in Somewhere Over the Hill.
Keywords: Propaganda, Community, Edvard
MON 27 AUG 2007
“Umm... yeah. So if you could go ahead and sort of tell us your qualifying format for South Africa 2010, that’d be great.” Let football be the boss of you in Do Not Kick Off.
Keywords: Sport, Support, SPEED, Football, Men’s World Cup
MON 20 AUG 2007
“News is a funny thing. Okay, maybe it’s not that funny.” Discover the importance of being humourous in Media Bore.
MON 13 AUG 2007
“As a fifteen month old toddler, I can confirm that those ‘Baby Einstein’ DVDs don’t help me learn, and they’re damn annoying too.” Feel the urge to set Barney the dinosaur on fire in Is Your Children Learning?.
MON 06 AUG 2007
“If any of you are standing, please have a seat. I understand this is a no-smoking facility, but if you care to smoke, I wouldn’t mind at all.” Face up to the latent reality in Live from the Time Vault.
Keywords: Propaganda, Politics, Novelty
MON 30 JUL 2007
“Celebrities have the ability to bring attention to important causes. Like when Kylie Minogue had breast cancer.” See what’s so great about being popular in Focal Plane: Celebrity Scoffers.
Keywords: Novelty, Focal Plane
MON 23 JUL 2007
“It’s the only game where you can win a random amount of money for doing pretty much nothing at all!” Look into the future of television game shows [but not very far] in Right After This.
Keywords: Support, SPEED, Game shows
MON 09 JUL 2007
“This has done irreparable damage to his reputation as a fair and just ruler.” Ask who we are and what we have done with GoobNet in Pardon Me for Not Pardoning.
MON 02 JUL 2007
“Well, one good sound effect deserves another, so can we have a Daily Double noise?” Listen to your heart’s content in Interaction: Are You Smarter Than a Game Show?.
Keywords: Novelty, Interaction, Game shows
MON 25 JUN 2007
“So, the vice president’s office must now set upon the difficult task of convincing the American people – and Henry Waxman – that it is not an entity.” Disregard all evidence from the world around you in This Week in Nihilism.
MON 18 JUN 2007
“Is this symptomatic of an aging ISS that may not last longer than the Space Shuttle itself, or is this simply another example of the famous tech support advice, ‘Try cycling the power’?” Try jiggling the cables in Interaction: STS-117 Station Rebooting.
Keywords: Space, Novelty, Interaction, Space Shuttle, ISS
MON 11 JUN 2007
“If you want to see that important information, you will have to watch between the 41st and 42nd minutes after the hour.” Understand the whole world at once in News You Can’t Afford to Use.
MON 04 JUN 2007
“Well, tell Jerry Springer to come out of the closet!” Take care of yourself and each other in More Shrieking.
Keywords: Variety, Whose Line
MON 28 MAY 2007
“I have no idea who won except for all the news articles interviewing Jordin Sparks and asking how she felt about being the winner and what songs she’s going to record with her new contract!” Experience the depth of feeling in Damn You, Hard Drive!.
MON 21 MAY 2007
“They should have little trouble getting past Le Havre, but awaiting them in the next round are the Darwin Mutations.” Face the fearsome freaks that flag fans fancy in Examining the FCU-CL First Round.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Flag capturing, FCU Champions League, Prediction
MON 14 MAY 2007
“Why are we eating food?” Ask the difficultly stupid questions in Is Your Regolith Excavator Fun Enough?.
Keywords: Space, Community, Interactive, Cosmo quiz
MON 07 MAY 2007
“I come from a small farming community in eastern Texas. In fact, it was a little too small for me.” See how size matters in It’s a Pleasure to Meet Y’all.
Keywords: Community
MON 30 APR 2007
“New Zealand is not Australia’s Canada.” Learn the difference between white and red stars in Stump Edvard About Secularism.
MON 23 APR 2007
“Hey, that’s great! You even spelled Nederland correctly.” Don’t look a gift scarf in the mouth in Schmilblick Patrol: Urs Linsi.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Schmilblick Patrol, Football, Women’s World Cup
MON 16 APR 2007
“Well, I’ve often paid for things with cards, which has made me wonder one thing. What if I could turn into a fire-breathing hippopotamus?” Learn the unexpected consequences of the plastic in your pocket in Interaction: Numismania.
Keywords: Novelty, Interaction
MON 09 APR 2007
“Don’t be a donsiblee. Drink responsibly.” Take advice from someone who won’t take it from others in Supporters On Patrol.
Keywords: Sport, Variety, Football, UEFA, Prediction
MON 02 APR 2007
“If you’d like to receive the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network, call your cable or satellite provider and ask them to provide the GoobNet Satellite Programming Live Using Television network.” Find out what kind of satellite programming you could be receiving live using television in Programme Alert.
MON 26 MAR 2007
“As you are fully aware, we here at GoobNet have often discussed the way to settle football matches in which both sides have scored the same number of goals at the end of the match.” Take time to think about how to introduce oddities in evenness in Let’s Take Some Penalties.
MON 19 MAR 2007
“As they say here in the US, ‘Rules were made to be broken.’ Or, as we say in the Netherlands, ‘Rules were made? When?’” Encounter a surprise that will affect your life in unknown ways in Welcome Back.
Keywords: Variety
MON 05 MAR 2007
“It’s a no holds barred fight to decide the king of carelessness, the emperor of impartiality, the knight of neutrality! It’s NeutralMania XXIX, this Sunday!” Be excited for a lack of excitement in The Swiss Are Coming! The Swiss Are Coming!.
MON 26 FEB 2007
“The Oxford index cards are fast approaching conjunction with the Turntable, so you and your fellow It’s In the Baggies had better start planning for the future.” Be closest to your dreams without going over in Not Now, I’m Coming On Down.
Keywords: Support, Mixed Up Horoscopes
MON 19 FEB 2007
“There, entertainment reporters! You see how annoying your childish attempts at puns are?” Come face to face with the honest truth in Oops, We Noticed You Again.
MON 12 FEB 2007
“We are vomiting in a gas station bathroom near Alachua, FL, USA, northwest of Gainesville.” Be loyal to GoobNet in sickness and in health in Out of Space.
Keywords: Space, Sport, Variety, Football, Italy, Space Shuttle
MON 05 FEB 2007
“Italian football is so boring, the supporters tear up seats and throw flares just to relieve the monotony.” Tell Giovanni Trapattoni just where to put the doorbolt in Interaction: Football Challenges Football.
Keywords: Sport, Novelty, Interaction, Football, American football
MON 29 JAN 2007
Is there too much flos for conversio to understand it all... or is there too much liquor for Albertus Gore to understand it all? Resolve the issue in Querella Hebdomæ.
Keywords: Community, Interactive, Fill-in
MON 22 JAN 2007
“Would you like to go somewhere and not speak publicly about things together?” Commit to noncommitment in Interaction: How to Destroy Satellites.
Keywords: Space, Novelty, Interaction
MON 15 JAN 2007
“What can you be sure of, other than that Drew Carey will be calling all of the newly arrived celebrities posers?” Say what everyone will be thinking in Scientologists Need Not Apply.
MON 08 JAN 2007
“For the love of god, Lindsay, put on some panties!” Experience the magic of clothing in We Know Exactly What You’re Thinking.
Keywords: Support
MON 01 JAN 2007
“To me, the more important question is: What will happen to Barker’s Beauties, Barker’s Bargain Bar, and Barker’s Markers?” Ask what everyone else is too scared or lazy to ask in Don’t You Dare Put That Around My Neck.
Keywords: Variety, Review committee
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